Friday, July 27, 2007

'First Time' not the deepest

A woman wrote to me today inviting me to contribute to an online project in which she is compiling tales of virginity loss. It is something akin to the "My First Time" Web site where people deposited stories about their loss of virginity; some of the site's tales were recently made into an Off-Broadway show.

I declined. Here's the heart of my reply:

I think the interest in projects such as yours and the "First Time" off-Broadway play are a sign of society's decline. Sex is an intensely personal act. The fact that people are seeking vicarious enjoyment from others' stories of virginity loss reflects that people have become increasingly detached from the mystery of sex. That is in turn a result of the divorce culture and the general decline of marriage.

The experience of virginity loss actually reveals less about love than does the experience of sex within a long-term marriage. I say this even of people who lose their virginity on their honeymoon. At its heart, love is not about the first time. Love is about staying with a person and sacrificing yourself for them. It doesn't make a neat blog entry, but it makes a great marital embrace.