[NOTE: In the wake of Planned Parenthood of New York City's reposting "Harry Potter: Prisoner of Hormones" on its Web site's front page, the following is an update of my August 2004 post on the abortion giant's craven attempt to cash in on the Potter craze.]
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Obscenity alert: The "safer sex" and "putting objects" link below contains graphic sexual language. The rest of the links aren't exactly wholesome either — we're talking Planned Parenthood and friends.
The cynical marketing wizards of Planned Parenthood of New York City are hoping children's author J.K. Rowling's magic will rub off on them. They've put a public plea on their Web site—"Harry Potter: Prisoner of Hormones?"—begging Rowling to write sex education into the next novel in the bestselling series.
(This, despite the fact that the series ends with the current installment; Planned Parenthood's potted Potter piece originally appeared in 2004.)
PPNYC President Joan Malin gushes, "Just think of the possibilities: Snapes, that sullen, nasty professor lecturing on the facts and biology of sex; giant Hagrid teaching about love and intimacy; or Professor Trelawney with her 'inner eye' using astrology and fortune-telling to help teen wizards know their feelings."
Would any Potter fans care to comment on those scenarios? Having only seen the films, I'll say that the image of Alan Rickman's Snape lecturing on the "facts and biology of sex" sounds about as edifying as Ozzy Osbourne lecturing on vivisection.
At the bottom of PPNYC's Potter page, the organization lists sex-education Web sites for further information. If these sites are examples of what Planned Parenthood wants Rowling to put into her novels, Harry's fans are going to learn about a lot more than the owls and the bees:
- The Advocates for Youth site leads to Youth Resource, "a Web site created by and for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (GLBTQ) youth," which offers the priceless "safer sex" advice, "But if you decide to drink remember to plan ahead before you start drinking 'how far' you will go with someone";
- And the link to the Network for Family Life Education's Sex Etc. site, which is "by teens for teens," leads to a page that advises its target audience of children age 13 and up that they can gain pleasure by putting objects in one another's various orifices.