Dei and knightThe traumatized soldier-saint who found healing

I have been inviting friends to preview my new book My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints before it hits stores Easter week, and have received some very interesting responses.

In the past day, two male friends contacted me independently of one another, to tell me how affected they were by chapter 1 of My Peace I Give You, which begins with a look at how St. Ignatius Loyola's spiritual wisdom was informed by his life experiences. Both men told me that they had never considered the fact that Ignatius, who was severely wounded during his days as a soldier, was a trauma survivor.

In My Peace I Give You, which is the first book of Catholic spirituality for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse, I reflect upon Ignatius's military experience in light of one of his best-known prayers, the Suscipe, which says,

Take, O Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my whole will. Thou hast given me all that I am and all that I possess; I surrender it all to thee that thou mayest dispose of it according to thy will. Give me only thy love and thy grace; with these I will be content and will have no more to desire.

I write about how striking it is that, of all the things Ignatius could offer to God, the first thing he gives after his liberty is his memory:

In Ignatius’s understanding of the human mind, the concept of memory refers to more than just particular memories. Memory includes everything that had entered into his consciousness to make him who he was—whether or not he could actually remember it. It forms the foundation of his present identity, including his hopes for his future. This is an ancient way of understanding memory, dating back at least to St. Augustine, and it makes particular sense for one who has survived trauma. ... Often in trauma survivors (and this holds regardless of whether the trauma was the result of sexual abuse or military combat) the brain attempts to protect itself by consigning painful swaths of the past to areas where memory’s tendrils cannot reach them. Yet the memories of traumatic events, whether present to us or not, remain part of us.

That is why there is something very beautiful about St. Ignatius offering his memory to God. The saint acknowledges there are things he cannot change—the events of his past—and at the same time displays the bold hope that his Maker will accept him as he is now, with everything he did and everything that was done to him. Such is true abandonment to divine providence—joyfully accepting in your own life the truth encapsulated in the old proverb, "God writes straight with crooked lines."

One of the men who contacted me to express his appreciation of my treatment of St. Ignatius in My Peace I Give You told me that it was a revelation to learn that effects of his past that remain in him could become an offering to God.

That was a very healing realization for me as well. I learned about it from a book called Ways of Forgiveness by John Edwards S.J. As I discuss in My Peace I Give You, Father Edwards writes of a little-known effect of the Sacrament of Penance that he calls the "consecration of weakness." When we confess our sins, the painful effects of sin that remain in us (whether from our own sins or from those committed against us) become turned towards our sanctification.

The meaning of this "consecration of weakness" is encapsulated in a blessing that confessors may give after absolving a penitent:

May the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ, the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints, whatever good you do, and whatever suffering you endure, heal your sins, help you to grow in holiness, and reward you with eternal life. Go in peace.

As I wrote in My Peace I Give You, "With this blessing, the Church tells me that God does not merely heal my wounds. When I unite my heart to the Sacred Heart of his Son, whose own wounds are now glorified, he heals me through my wounds. Through God’s great love and mercy, my own sufferings become occasions of grace, salvation, and—most mysteriously—joy."

Order My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints from Amazon.com or from Barnes&Noble.com. Read more about it on AveMariaPress.com.

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Is the My Peace I Give You tour coming your way? Click here to find out.

On the air

If you're in the Washington, D.C., area, listen for me on the Guadalupe Radio Network WMET Radiothon between 5 and 6 p.m. this evening. I'll be discussing my upcoming book for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse, My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.

My time to Shrine

With Sister Marla Marie Lucas of the Maronite Servants of Christ the Light at the Our Lady of Lebanon chapel at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, September 23, 2011

I'm thrilled to report that on Sunday, April 29, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m, the bookstore at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception will host me for a book signing. I will be signing my new book, My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, as well as my first, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On.

The Shrine—"Mary's House"—is one of my favorite places in the world. It is a joy and an honor to be able to meet pilgrims there as I spread the word about My Peace I Give You, which is the first book ever to offer Catholic spirituality for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse.

My Peace I Give You carries an Imprimatur from Donald Cardinal Wuerl. Father James Martin calls it a "sensitive and poignant effort to offer the gift of healing to some of the most wounded people of our time." You can read what others have to say about it on the Ave Maria Press website.

And don't forget my April 23 talk and signing at Washington's Catholic Information Center. Click the image above to see more details. I will be speaking at 6:30 p.m. and signing books afterwards.

After school lets out in May, I would like to spend the rest of the spring and all the summer speaking about
My Peace I Give You. There are several different talks I can give on the book. The subtitle itself—Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints makes an excellent topic for a general talk, but I can also give a talk based on each chapter. The titles of the chapters include:

• "The Love We Forget: Discovering the Father—with St. Ignatius Loyola and St. Josephine Bakhita"
  
• "The Love that Shelters: Opening Our Hearts to the Sacred Heart—with Mary, Mother of Hope"
  
• "The Love that Transforms: Learning the True Meaning of Spiritual Childhood with St. Thérèse of Lisieux"
  
• "The Love that Grows Deeper: Drawing Closer to God and to One Another—with Dorothy Day"
  
• "The Love that Heals: Finding Our Past, Present, and Future in the Eucharist—with St. Thomas Aquinas and Blessed Karolina Kózka"

If you would like me to speak at your bookstore, parish, college, or other venue, write me via my feedback form.

'Titled' lady

You can see how happy I was to be in Rome last week for the first time, showing off my advance copy of my upcoming book My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. My enthusiasm was so great that I broke the cardinal rule of author photos: Never cover up the title of your own book!

And if I haven't embarrassed myself enough, here's a video of me, also in Rome, addressing Dawn Patrol readers (that's you) while sporting the world's largest cowlick. But I am again very happy, which makes it worth sharing.

Click the image below to watch the video in a new window.



I visited the Eternal City during my spring break from my studies at the Pontifical Faculty of the Immaculate Conception at Dominican House of Studies. Having gotten my M.A. in theology there last year, I am currently working towards the intermediate degrees (S.T.B. and S.T.L.) needed to pursue a pontifically licensed doctorate (S.T.D.). The Rome trip was linked to my studies, as it gave me the opportunity to meet Father Paul Murray, O.P., the professor at the Angelicum under whom I am planning to do my doctoral work.

Father Murray teaches spiritual theology. Originally I wanted to do my doctorate in moral theology, as that was the area in which I did my master's degree. Then I read Father Murray's wonderful Praying with Confidence: Aquinas on the Lord's Prayer and changed my plans. I realized that it is spiritual theology that most helps people heal.

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It was out of the desire to help others find healing that I wrote My Peace I Give You, the first book of Catholic spirituality for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse. It is not easy for survivors to find resources for healing, and even harder to find ones that support them in their faith. When help is offered to them, it is typically psychotherapy. Some people may indeed benefit from professional help, but not everyone. On the other hand, all who have seen evil up close need the comfort and strength that can come only from knowing their loving Father in Heaven.

That is why the witness of the saints is so important. Every saint's life is a complete story, and every one of their stories ends in the joy of life with Christ, in the bosom of the Father. We can see divine providence in their sufferings, because we know that God permitted the evils in their lives not because He willed that they should receive pain, but because He wished them to bear a greater likeness to His wounded Son. In the words of the English poet Edward Shillito, "To our wounds, only God's wounds can speak."

Archbishop Sheen, in his last Good Friday sermon, speaks about Christ's wounds and ours.



Once school lets out, I would like to spend the rest of the spring and all summer giving talks on My Peace I Give You in every possible part of the world. If you would like to bring me to speak in your area, please write to me via my feedback form. My first talk and signing for the book will be April 23 at Washington's Catholic Information Center.

Now and Jen

I'm thrilled that ConversionDiary.com blogger Jennifer Fulwiler has taken me up on my request to conduct the first interview with me about my upcoming book My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.

My Peace I Give You is the first book of Catholic spirituality written for adult victims of childhood sexual abuse. I wanted Jen to be the first journalist to interview me about it, because she is an excellent and sensitive writer, and has a background in some ways similar to mine, in that she is a convert who spent much of her life outside religious social circles.

It was a pleasure to do the interview with Jen, which she conducted by phone. Her questions were sensitive and insightful, making it easy to open up to her. The story is set to run on the National Catholic Register website the week of April 9, when My Peace begins to arrive in stores. Word is that it will also appear in the print edition, along with a review of the book.

Speaking of My Peace I Give You, don't forget that April 23 is the book-launch event at Washington's Catholic Information Center, and you are invited. If you are outside of Washington and want to bring me to your town to speak about My Peace, please write to me via my feedback form.

The feast and the ferias

Now that I've gotten over my jet lag, I can begin to post about some of the many things for which I was thankful during my pilgrimage to Rome last week. They include:

Photo by Dawn Eden, March 8, 2012

• The beauty of St. Peter's Basilica: The sunlight beamed magically upon Bernini's monument to the Chair of St. Peter when I visited the basilica on my last day in the Eternal City.
  
  Pope Benedict last month spoke to the Church's newest cardinals about the chair and the Holy Spirit window:

  "After passing through the magnificent central nave, and continuing past the transepts, the pilgrim arrives in the apse and sees before him an enormous bronze throne that seems to hover in mid air, but in reality is supported by the four statues of great Fathers of the Church from East and West. And above the throne, surrounded by triumphant angels suspended in the air, the glory of the Holy Spirit shines through the oval window. What does this sculptural composition say to us, this product of Bernini’s genius? It represents a vision of the essence of the Church and the place within the Church of the Petrine Magisterium.
  
  "The window of the apse opens the Church towards the outside, towards the whole of creation, while the image of the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove shows God as the source of light. But there is also another aspect to point out: the Church herself is like a window, the place where God draws near to us, where he comes towards our world. The Church does not exist for her own sake, she is not the point of arrival, but she has to point upwards, beyond herself, to the realms above. The Church is truly herself to the extent that she allows the Other, with a capital 'O,' to shine through her – the One from whom she comes and to whom she leads. The Church is the place where God 'reaches' us and where we 'set off' towards him: she has the task of opening up, beyond itself, a world which tends to become enclosed within itself, the task of bringing to the world the light that comes from above, without which it would be uninhabitable.

• Divine providence: I had the great pleasure of attending Mass at the Angelicum for the university's patronal feast—that of St. Thomas Aquinas which the Dominican-run institution celebrates on March 7 (as on the old calendar). While I was there, I prayed for an old friend I had not seen in more than a year. Then, exiting the church after Mass, I found myself face-to-face with that same friend, whom I had thought was back in the States. (She's a religious sister whose obedience precludes publicity, otherwise I'd name her.) So I had the unexpected joy of catching up over lunch with someone I had missed very much.
• Delicious food: And, speaking of lunch, below is a video taken by my friend during that meal. It was too lovely not to share.

Click the image below to watch the video in a new window.

Home-a from Roma

After hoofing it over to holy sites for two more days since I last posted here, I flew home today from my first-ever Rome pilgrimage. Thanks so much for your prayers. You—that is, all my blog readers, family, and friends—were in my prayers this morning at the gorgeous Church of San Vitale before I headed onto the Leonardo Express train to Fiumicino Airport. The trip was a beautiful experience, and I have some videos and stories that I'm looking forward to sharing over the next couple of days. For now, though, must ... get ... sleep ...

P.S. In case you're wondering, the book next to me is a pre-publication copy of My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.

Rome pilgrimage, day 3: Going underground

A highlight yesterday morning was visiting the Vatican Museum and finding myself face to face with a personal favorite, Caravaggio's massive "Entombment of Christ."

In the afternoon, I toured the Scavi—the excavations beneath St. Peter's Basilica—and prayed at St. Peter's tomb. You were in my prayers, as you have been every day that I am here. I am so grateful for yours.

Learning the history of the tomb, and particularly seeing the "Trophy" monument that was erected on the site during the middle of the second century, I marveled at the irrationality of those who reject out of hand the Church's historical claims. Here we have a victory monument that was erected on the grave of the Prince of the Apostles at a time when people were still alive whose parents or grandparents were catechized by Jesus' disciples. It is reasonable to believe that there really was a man named St. Peter who was martyred and buried on that spot, and that he was martyred because he refused to deny that he saw Jesus Christ risen from the dead. Having such historical evidence in hand, the question becomes, "Who would die for a lie?" It behooves the skeptic to at least study the life and words of Christ, as they have come down to us in the Gospels, and ponder whether this Man was who he said he was.

Getting the NAC

It's only the second full day of my first-ever pilgrimage to Rome and I don't even know where to begin describing the wonderful people I've met and the places I've seen.

Yesterday, after the morning Mass at San Clemente, Aaron, one of the seminarians there from the Pontifical North American College--called the NAC for short (pronounced "knack")--recognized me as being from his home archdiocese of Washington. He offered me a tour of the historic campus, so I went there after lunch and got to see the grounds and building, including its stunning rooftop view, which is considered the best in Rome. I'll have photos to post when I come home later this week.

In the evening, Angelicum spiritual theology professor and author Father Paul Murray O.P. graciously let me sit in on his class on St. John of the Cross. His lecture was fantastic, and it was no surprise that the classroom was packed. There must have been about 150 students there, ranging in age from about 20 to 75, and seemingly from all parts of the world.

As the class filed out, my seminarian friend Mike, who helped me orient myself to the city, called me over to see a friend of his, whom I was surprised to discover was someone I had met during a very special time of my life. Spencer was one of my fellow pilgrims when I traveled to England for the American Chesterton Society's 2004 pilgrimage to England. He is now a diocesan seminarian, and traces his vocation to that trip.

The amazing thing about running into Spencer was that I had written on this blog just the day before about how thankful I was for those who had helped to pray me into the Church. When I think of people who prayed for me to have the fullness of faith, I always think of my fellow Chesterton pilgrims, all of whom were Catholic.

Lots more to share, but I'll save it for next time. Continuing to pray for you—yes, you. Please say a prayer for me. This whole trip has been replete with answered prayers and with discovering new joy in the communion of saints.

P.S. This is your daily reminder: Please come to my April 23 book-launch event if you can.

Colossal day

Today is the first full day of my first-ever pilgrimage to Rome, and it's begun to hit me that I really am here at last. The deciding moment was when I turned a corner on my way to Mass at the station church of San Clemente and saw the Colosseum looming directly ahead.

Since I woke up late (jet lag), I arrived during the Our Father, so decided to make a spiritual communion. As mentioned yesterday, you (yes, you) were in my prayers. I am grateful for yours during what has already proven to be a grace-filled trip.

Being in the basilica of one of the martyrs who is named in the Canon of the Mass, I thought especially about those friends, family, and Dawn Patrol readers who helped to pray me into the Church. I am so grateful to you. All the beautiful things that have happened in my life over the past few years, including (not least of all) my growing understanding of my vocation are in part thanks to your prayers. You are part of any and all good that the Lord enables me to do.


Tomorrow, I am thrilled to be visiting the office of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, to meet an official there who helped me as I researched my upcoming book My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. (Speaking of My Peace, this is your daily reminder to come to my April 23 book-launch event if you can.)

In the steps of the saints

Today I arrived in Rome for my first-ever pilgrimage to the Eternal City.

I still can't believe I am actually here. Right now I am about to go to bed after being up for nearly two days--that is how it is when one takes an overnight flight--so it feels like I am dreaming. The day passed like a fantastical blur--taking a bus from Fiumicino Airport to Termini, walking to the convent where I am staying, then walking to St. Peter's Square for the papal Angelus, meeting a seminarian friend who helped me get the lay of the land, going to Santissima Trinita for evening Mass, eating "Jewish-style" artichoke ... it's all so wonderful and yet unreal. Perhaps after waking up in Rome tomorrow morning, after a good night's sleep, I will begin to absorb this experience more fully. I hope so.

While I am here, I'll be taking photos and video, but probably won't get to post them until returning home at the end of the week, unless I can find a better Internet connection than the one where I am staying. Please know that, although it's not easy for me to send e-mail here, I am sending up lots of knee-mail for all my family, friends, and blog readers--yes, that means you. If you are reading this blog, you are in my intentions here as I walk in the steps of the saints. I am also sending up special prayers for all those who have prayed for me over the years, including those Dawn Patrol readers who helped to pray me into the Church, and those who have donated to support me in my graduate studies. Please pray for me, especially for my studies, as, while I am here, I will be meeting with the professor under whom I am hoping to study for my doctorate once I complete my sacred-theology licentiate.

Also, just a reminder: If you are in Washington, D.C., on April 23, you are cordially invited to attend the book launch event for My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.