'How do you heal the scars of sin?'

I arrived home tonight after a mini-vacation and found dozens of e-mails from people who had seen me on EWTN's "Life on the Rock." Many of them were forwarded to me by the show's producer; they were viewers' questions that could not be answered on the air due to time constraints.

Because I leave tomorrow night for several days of speaking appearances in Dublin and London, I am sorry that I will be unable to answer most of those e-mails — or indeed much of my huge backlog of unanswered messages — until I return on October 9. However, one question that was sent in to EWTN jumped out at me, and I would like to answer it now:

How do you heal the scars of sin? Thanks.

-Daniel

Dear Daniel,

Thank you for your profound question. Because I am short on time, I will try to answer it as concisely I would have were I asked it on "Life on the Rock." However, it is deserving of a book of its own, and perhaps readers may suggest relevant books in the comments section. (One that I would suggest, which I am currently reading for the first time, is Fulton J. Sheen's Lift Up Your Heart.)

There are two kinds of scars: the ones on the outside, which are visible to everyone, and the ones on the inside, which are known only to you.

The scars of sin on the outside are the things that other people know about your past behavior. These, sadly, cannot be changed. You can choose to limit what you share about them; not everyone has to know everything about you. But if others already know what you have done, then the only thing you can do is resolve every day to show them — and, more importantly, God — that you are no longer who you were.


Brandon Heath, "I'm Not Who I Was"

Even if you become a new creation in Christ, some people who know your scars will never let you live them down. It is very hard to deal with that kind of rejection. I can only tell you that not everyone is like that. As you continue on your path of regeneration, you will eventually find friends who are understanding and forgiving. In the meantime, offer up your sufferings to Jesus on behalf of the very people whose judgmentalism causes you to suffer. If you do so, I believe with all my heart that you will receive graces.

The scars of sin that are on the inside may hurt just as much as the ones on the outside, but there is much more that you can do to heal them. While they may never disappear completely, they will diminish greatly if you apply the right medicine — confession, prayer, spiritual direction, and corporal works of mercy.

Corporal works of mercy are important because, as their name implies, they are a kind of prayer that you can do with your whole body — visiting the sick; giving food, drink, clothing, and shelter to the needy, and helping others who are unable to help themselves. While confession removes the stain of sin from your soul, I believe that any good works one does with one's body helps one heal from the lingering emotional effects of sins committed with the body.

The most important thing to remember is that God promises that if you delight yourself in Him, He shall give you the desires of your heart. That means that He will heal you. What's more, we have His word that, should we join Him in Heaven, He will wipe away all tears from our eyes.

              God bless you,

              Dawn

"Rock" Around the Clock
A Guest Post by Henrietta G. Tavish

Dawn's appearance last night on EWTN's "Life on the Rock" is now available online at the network's Website. Just go to the Streaming Video and Audio page, and click on the "View" link next to "Life on Rock" under the "Archived Video in RealVideo" category in the left column. The show should also be available for podcasting shortly here.

Update: For those who prefer the big(ger) screen experience, EWTN will present an encore presentation of Dawn's interview on its television network on Sunday, September 30, at 11:00 p.m. est.

Welcome, 'Life on the Rock' viewers!

This morning, I leave for Birmingham, Ala., to appear on EWTN's "Life on the Rock" at 8 p.m. Eastern time tonight. It is a true thrill of the chaste to appear on the premier prime-time show of Mother Angelica's network. Naturally, I am nervous and excited, and would be very grateful for your prayers. If you do not have EWTN at home, you can watch the show live on the network's Web site. Go to the "Television" tab there and then click on "Live TV."

If you are reading this after 8 p.m., then hopefully it is because I piqued your interest about my book, and not because I became the first-ever "Life on the Rock" guest to have an on-air coronary or something. Normally, this blog contains posts about whatever's on my mind that day (usually related to pro-life or chastity issues), but today I've filled it with posts about my book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On, for those interested in learning more after seeing me on the show.

If you're in Dublin, Ireland, or London, England, come to one of my talks as I tour there beginning next week:

October 3

Speak to Newman Society, University College Dublin, 1 p.m.

October 4

Debate, University College Dublin, 7 p.m.

October 6 and 7

Theology of the Body conference, Dublin. Contact the John Paul II Centre for details on this or any of my other Dublin appearances.

October 8

Speak at Farm Street Church, London, 7 p.m.

* * *

I will be posting only sporadically between now and October 10. My friend Henrietta G. Tavish will likely check in with occasional posts and updates on my tour. Thanks very much for your prayers, support, and readership.

Once upon a mattress

"The fruits of this accepted single-woman lifestyle resemble those of a drug habit more than a dating paradigm. In a vicious cycle, women feel lonely because they are not loved, so they have casual sex with men who do not love them."

— From "Between My Sheets, a Lonely World", an article of mine that originally appeared in Canada's National Post.

Dyl of the chaste

Now it can be told: This was taped in the photo studio of New York Daily News photographer Thomas Monaster, unbeknownst to him (but with the kind permission of my then-employer's photo desk). Coincidentally, Monaster took some classic photos of the video's inspiration.

Going underground

One night last January, in the basement of a Lower East Side bar called Lolita, New York City's Jinx Society hosted a debate between me and Virginia Vitzthum (at left in this video clip), author of a book on hooking up through the personals. The topic: "Is Chastity a Good Idea for Singles?"

Me and Jane Roe

Had the honor of meeting Norma McCorvey earlier this week. American Papist has a photo. (That's me in the long skirt; Norma is at center, in a black sweater.)

REMINDER: I do 'The Rock'

My appearance on EWTN's live "Life on the Rock" is tomorrow, 8 p.m. Eastern time. If you can't get it on cable or satellite, you can watch it via the "television" tab on EWTN.com. Topics slated for discussion include The Thrill of the Chaste and my work as director of the Cardinal Newman Society's Love and Responsibility program. I am very excited about making the trip to the network's Birmingham, Ala., HQ and being on the popular, long-running show.

Baby whom docs wanted aborted beats the odds

A Kentucky TV station has the story of 10-month-old Ava Grace Milam, whom doctors wanted aborted because, they claimed, they expected she would be capable of nothing but "existing." Now, she is doing much more than just staying alive — and parents hope she will do even better with a treatment of stem cells from umbilical-cord blood.

More from WBKO (emphasis mine):

Ava Grace Milam weighed less than four pounds when she was born because of a fetal stroke.

Fetal strokes are so rare that according to a Yale University study, only 54 cases have been reported in the last 25 years. ...

Tami Milam named her daughter Ava Grace because it sounds like "Amazing Grace."

Ava suffered a stroke while she was still in her mother's womb.

"They didn't know at the time how bad, but they knew it was bad," Milam said.

Doctors found blood in Ava's brain and her body had stopped growing after the stroke.

"They [the doctors] asked for an abortion because they didn't know if she'd be able to do much more because of brain damage," Milam admitted.

Instead, Ava's parents gave their daughter a chance at life and she has beaten the odds.

"She shows emotion. They said she wouldn't be able to do that--that she would just exist, is what they told us," she continued.

Ava laughs, cries and eats like normal babies, even though doctors had predicted she'd need a feeding tube.

But the stroke did affect Ava's speech and movement, and at ten months old, she still can't crawl or push herself up.

She is also showing signs of cerebral palsy.

"That's all I'm asking for is a chance--a chance to live and not to just stay like this for the rest of her life," Milam said.

That chance will come in the form of umbilical cord stem cell treatment .

The match will be made in California and the injection done in Mexico because the procedure isn't approved by the FDA.

Milam says for Grace, she's willing to do whatever it takes.

"Because life is so much more than this, and I want her to experience all of this," Milam assured.

The stem cell injections will cost the Milam family $16,000.

If you'd like to donate to help baby Ava, you can contribute to the Ava Grace Milam Fund at any South Central Bank.

I do not know whether the treatment Ava's parents seek for their daughter is considered safe, so I'd advise using your own discretion in choosing whether to donate towards the procedure. The point to note here is that this is just one of countless cases where doctors urged abortion because of a worrisome prenatal diagnosis — one which proved to be wrong.

Another question, of course, is whether any human being should have the right to deny another human being existence, even if that existence is nothing more than the gift of life itself. Which is to say, even if it is everything.

Prayer request

Please pray for reader Del, who writes in response to an interview where I talked about my firing from the New York Post:

I was really glad to read your story on LifeSiteNews. I needed to see that today, especially the account of your firing from the NY Post.

I have just learned that I am under investigation by my employer's HR team, for handing out Miraculous Medals to selected coworkers. (I've been doing this for months... so they have plenty of evidence. I even gave YOU a Medal once, at the Chesterton Conference.)

I could use some prayers. Thanks for reminding me to appeal to our good friend, St. Maximilian Kolbe. If you will say a prayer for me, I would be most appreciative.

And please present my need to your prayer circle of single women with Apostolates [the Edel Quinn Prayer Circle]. I would like to keep my job and my apostolate, too.

If you have legal advice or prayers for Del, you can reach him via the e-mail address he left on his comment. I'd recommend he contact the ACLJ.

London calling

I am thrilled, elated, exhilarated —and every other related word in the thesaurus — to report that I will be giving my first-ever London talk on The Thrill of the Chaste Monday, October 8. The Hermeneutic of Continuity has the details. Watch this space for an itinerary of my Dublin dates as well. For now, got to catch a train to speak at Seton Hall ...

Nirvana be alone

No, I don't know what this song, "Pentecost Hotel," is about — except that it's not Christian. Post-Christian, yes; Christian, no. I do know that it was my favorite song during the summer of 1994, when my peers were listening to the other rock band called Nirvana. And it's still got the most beautiful melody and arrangement of any "rock" tune before or since (far more beautiful than the lyrics deserve), which is no doubt why it still is able to make me sad.

Quote of the day

"As I thought more about Sally Field's remarks I realized that she's typecasting women just like Betty Friedan stereotyped women in the suburbs of 1950s and '60s.

"Field got caught somewhere in the midst of her various television and movie roles. Her Gidget and Flying Nun characters epitomized the warm, fuzzy, trite characterization of women that the feminists decried. Make no mistake, Field has played a lot of strong characters, but she's throwing it all away to suggest that all women really are like women in Gidget-land. And if we were in charge, there would be no wars and nothing bad would happen. Unfortunately, Gidget wasn't a particularly deep character; so Field communicated strength by screaming at the audience and using a little vulgarity. How very unGidget-like. How very unwomanly. How weak. If anything, her lack of control personifies the 'little woman' who really shouldn't trouble her head about important things, especially things like war."

— Pia de Solenni on Sally Field's Emmy speech

The folly and the Ivy

From Evan Coyne Maloney's upcoming documentary "Indoctrinate U" comes this timely look at "tolerance," Columbia-style:

Working on proposal for second book this weekend, hence holding off on Berkeley/Boone post. In the meantime, stop by commenter Uncle Jim's Second Chance and welcome him to the blogosphere. Speaking of Uncle Jim, congratulations to the new blogger's real-life nephew Dennis Schenkel, who just professed vows in advance of entering the transitional diaconate.

Typo Mars Planned Parenthood Press Release
A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH
Special to The Dawn Patrol

AURORA, ILL, September 19 --Due to a clerical error, a Planned Parenthood press release neglected to note that its proposed Aurora clinic performs abortions – embarrassing the organization at a time it is embroiled in litigation over whether it will be able to satisfy the town's dire need for the popular procedure.

The press release stated that "[e]very day our health center is not open, more women go without Pap tests, birth control supplies, and breast exams" but did not make a single mention of abortion. The omission enraged local residents, nearly all of whom are clamoring for a facility to kill the unborn so that they will not be raised by the poor, teenagers, or their own grandchildren.

The regional Planned Parenthood President, Steve Trombley, said that he "could not fathom" how the word "abortion" was left off the press release. "From the beginning, we've been trying to assure Aurora that it will be the abortion capital of the world, but then this happens" he said. "We're proud of what we do, and hopefully in the future we'll be able to get the word out that we perform abortions, abortion, abortions."

The press release fiasco marks the second time the clinic's progress has been stalled by a typographical error. A similar mistake was made on an building permit application earlier this year, which neglected to reveal that the building would be occupied by the nation's largest abortion provider.

Easy pray for single websurfers

[This entry, proposing a way to put the Internet to good use, originally appeared last May. I'm taking the opportunity to repost it for those who missed it because Father Charlie Donahue of UC Berkeley's Newman Hall complimented me it after I described its premise during my talk at the university Wednesday night.]

A reader writes that, his engagement having ended, he is now "back to the proverbial square 1 on another Web site, resigned to go through the whole process of being stood up, ignored, and made to jump through the same old hoops all over again."

I assume that he's talking about the experience of online personals, one which I know all too well. I wish I could say that I no longer belong to a personals site, but the last one I joined was like the "Catholic singles" version of a Roach Motel™. After charging me a small fortune for a "lifetime membership," it gave me no option to quit once I realized I was wasting my lifetime searching its membership. Now I am forever on the site's membership rolls as "temporarily inactive" — as though I plan at any moment to return to waste precious hours that I will never get back. No thanks.

My advice for anyone who is looking with dread at having to "go through the whole process" of online dating is to do an experiment, just for tonight.

During the time when you would normally sign on to a personals site and check your messages, don't; just let the messages sit. (Believe me, anyone who is truly interested in you will forgive you for taking a day to get back to them. If they fall in love with someone else in the meantime, you'll know it wasn't meant to be.)

Then, instead of surfing the personals, search Technorati for the words "prayer request."

Pick three requests from the first page of results. Click on each one, read the whole request, and then pray for the requester's intentions, according to God's will.

That's it.

I guarantee you that if you do that tonight, then tomorrow you will be closer to entering into a happy, lasting marriage than you would be if you spent the entire evening IMing someone on a personals site. What's more, you will be better prepared spiritually for meeting your spouse during the course of your everyday, non-websurfing life.

Just try it for one night. I just did.

Boone, Berkeley, back

Appalachian State University was great.

Berkeley rocked.

Will share a bit more about how my talks went — and maybe a photo or two — after I get some sleep. Many thanks to Henrietta for filling in during my absence. I'd like to hereby invite her to keep guestblogging as often as she'd like, since I will continue to be on tour for most of the next three weeks.

Killing Delayed is Killing Denied
A Guest Post by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH

A federal judge has denied Planned Parenthood's motion for an injunction requiring the City of Aurora, Illinois to permit the immediate opening of its new abortion clinic. More at Jill Stanek.

My own sad conclusion that this victory will at best delay the opening by a few weeks. I hope I am wrong. But while Planned Parenthood does not have a legal right to lie to municipal authorities, it does have the (unfortunate) right to build its killing centers wherever the zoning code permits. A city cannot exclude it forever, regardless of what deception it may practice during its initial attempts to invade a community. A business which claims it is building an organic vegetable restaurant but instead constructs a pizzeria might have its opening delayed pending an investigation, but will likely be allowed to open in the end if the area is zoned to permit any sort of food establishment. As Aurora's code apparently permits any type of "health services" to be rendered so long as they are legal, Planned Parenthood will ultimately open shop. (Planned Parenthood, for its part, makes no distinction between eating organic vegetables, having an abortion, and running a red light, but that's another story).

Some solace may be taken in the fact that the delay may have saved some lives. No matter what happens, the protests will continue in Aurora and hopefully persuade more women to reject that most unfortunate of "choices." And the publicity may also awaken other communities who find this unwelcome intruder in their midst, and enable them to mobilize before it is too late.

PRAYER REQUEST UPDATE

I'm happy to report that the college student for whom I recently asked you to pray is holding on and showing improvement as of yesterday. Thank you for your prayers, and please continue to pray for her.

Planned Parenthood Announces Day of Prayer Against Parental Notification Laws

A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH
Special to The Dawn Patrol

AURORA, ILL, September 19 -- Following up on its "pro-faith, pro-family" Day of Prayer in support of an Aurora abortion clinic, Planned Parenthood has announced a similar vigil to beseech God to help abolish laws requiring that parents be notified before a clinic kills their unborn grandchildren.

"Our timeless and cherished faith traditions inform us that the sacred decision to bear a child should be between an unemancipated minor, her God and an indifferent twenty-something abortion clinic 'counselor,' " said Rev. May I. Killem. "While we deeply respect parents' rights to share their differing faith perspectives with their daughters, we pray that they, too, will respect our spiritual conviction that the decision to abort be made without their knowledge or input."

The abortion provider's Council of Clergy also asked God to give ministers and statutory rapists the strength to deliver young women across state lines in the event they lived in a jurisdiction whose legislators had not yet recognized the divine wisdom of barring parents from the family planning process.

The Council closed with a candlelit memorial to the millions of girls who know that their parents will just "kill" them if they come home pregnant. A special prayer was offered for Jennifer Harris, whose parents "killed" her when she was caught smoking, "killed" her when she totaled the family car, and then "killed" her yet again when she became pregnant. "On behalf of Planned Parenthood," they asked, "we pray for an end to the senseless killing of our children."

Planned Parenthood Seeks End to "Abortion" Discrimination

A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH

Special to The Dawn Patrol

WASHINGTON, DC, September 18 – Claiming that it is subject to discrimination by local building codes which require clinics to disclose in advance whether they will provide "abortion" services, Planned Parenthood is supporting legislation that would permit a uniform, neutral term to be used to describe all forms of medically-assisted reproductive choice.

Under a bill sponsored by Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), municipalities would be required to allow the term "fetal relocation" to be used on building permit applications and to recognize it as referring to both abortion and childbirth. The law is intended to ease tensions in cities where medical facilities are being built, as fewer protests occur when the community believes it is possible that the staff might be delivering rather than killing babies.

"Scientifically speaking, both procedures result in the transfer of fetal tissue from the inside to the outside of a woman's body," said Mahoney. "It's wrong to stigmatize a particular outcome by linguistically differentiating between two equally valid alternatives." Maloney also noted that every day of so-called "living" is actually a day closer to dying, and recommended that the legalistic distinction between "life" and "death" be eventually phased out as well.

Legal scholars predicted that the proposed law would survive judicial scrutiny in light of recent Supreme Court precedent. In Gonzales v Carhart, Associate Justice Ginsburg condemned the use of the misleading term "abortion doctor" to describe doctors who perform abortions, insisting that they should instead be referred to as "obstetrician-gynecologists" and "surgeons." "It violates equal protection to draw an arbitrary distinction between physicians who perform delicate, life-saving fetal surgery in the operating theatre of a university hospital and those who engage in late-term skull-crushing with an unsterilized nutcracker in a store front mill," she opined. Although Ginsburg technically wrote for "the minority," experts suggested that that term was functionally equivalent to "the emerging majority."

Planned Parenthood clarifies clinic position: "One-third of Aurora’s population is Latino"

A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH

Special to The Dawn Patrol

AURORA, ILL, September 17 – Seeking to eliminate some of the confusion surrounding its construction of an abortion clinic in an Illinois suburb, Planned Parenthood today sought an emergency injunction to open the facility immediately on the ground that one-third of Aurora’s Population is Latino.

The organization's lawyers pointed out that Aurora's has a "large and growing" population that its existing "Express" sites cannot properly handle. Specifically, they noted that those outlets have "only a limited reproductive health care menu" which does not include certain surgical entrees. "Your Honor, it's like going into a Taco Bell and finding you can't get the 'whole enchilada,' if you know what I mean," said lead counsel Will Slaughter. "Latina women deserve better."

The City had originally delayed the opening on the ground that the organization had misled authorities during the zoning and permit process. But Planned Parenthood argued that its statistics regarding the Latino population were indisputable, and whatever harm might result from other inaccuracies was outweighed by the risk of a one-half Latino city. Counsel cautioned that an "unmet need" for certain services had already resulted in undue "racial and ethnic diversity" in various neighborhoods in New York.

Had a beautiful time speaking to Women for the Third Millennium in Dallas on Saturday. Today I fly to North Carolina for tomorrow's talk at Appalachian State and then it's off to Berkeley — see my book's Web site for details. Please come if you're in the neighborhood.

A special guest will be posting here while I'm gone, between now and Thursday night. I'll try to stop in if I have time.

Life at the fairA guest post by John J. Simmins

[As noted above, this is a guest post; thanks to John J. Simmins for contributing it. — Dawn]

The Charles County Fair is an 83-year-old tradition in Charles County Maryland. It is a traditional county fair, right out of the movies. Charles County is one of three counties that comprise what is known as Southern Maryland and is the cradle of Catholicism in America. It is an old, plantations farming area and until recently the most important crop was tobacco. The queen of the fair is still called “Queen Nicotina”. Even though, Charles County is home to the second largest (unincorporated) city in Maryland, it remains a community with a very rural flavor.

Charles County Right to Life is a chapter of Maryland Right to Life. We have had a presence at the fair for decades. We offer information on abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research and abortion alternatives. Maryland is a tough state to have a right to life chapter in. They don’t get more pro-abortion than Maryland. We have more partial birth abortions in Maryland than all our neighbors combined. Throughout the years, we have had some giants in the pro-life movement in Charles County and I am very blessed by knowing them. Working the fair is one of the front lines in the abortion battle in Maryland. We get ALL kinds at the booth. You really feel that you are touching lives at the fair. The fair runs from September 13 through September 16.

The fair is going very well so far. There are two stories stand out from the first night of the fair. On the first night of the fair, I was working the booth with Father Flum, the assistant pastor of St. Peter’s in Waldorf. Father Flum is an awesome man of God and I am blessed to know him. He and Monsignor Parent, the pastor at St. Peter’s, are wonderful spiritual leaders and everyone, especially the children, look up to them as models of what Christian men should be.

Father Flum at the fair
Father Flum and I were passing the time by celebrating someone depositing a $20 bill in the donation jar. Most of our donations are ones or the occasional five dollar bill and it takes a long time to get enough money to pay for the booth and stuff we give away. As we were talking, a gentleman came up, he seemed a regular working class guy. He was there with his wife and teenage daughter. He paused and looked over our literature and then brought out his money clip and discretely pealed of a bill and put it in the donation jar. After he left, I remarked to Father Flum, "Hey, it looks like we got another 20!" Father replies, “John, you should look a little closer.” The man put a $100 bill in the donation jar. I don’t think he was the kind of guy that could easily afford $100. I can only assume that there must be a powerful story behind that donation, maybe only known to him and God.

The other story that sticks out in my mind is when a little girl came up with what I figured were her brothers and sisters. We always have a petition at the booth on various topics that may come up in the state legislature in Annapolis in January. I’m not sure how much good it does. The delegates and senators seem less concerned with what the people want and more concerned with what the unions and developers want, but we try each year. The little girl very carefully filled in all the fields in the petition that we had, writing very slowly as an 11- or 12-year-old would. When she finished, she placed the cap back on the pen and said to me "I'm adopted, so abortion hits really close to home for me." I wanted to hug her.

Our tremendous volunteers at our booth have shared some powerful experiences with me over the last couple of days as well. One story can only be described as a heroic attempt to save the life of a baby that the state of Massachusetts is desperately trying to kill. Next week, my volunteer will be adopting this baby. I won’t go into it here, my friend is a real writer and will be putting the tale to electronic pen soon and I hope to share it with you.

You know sometimes I wonder, particularly in Maryland, if we're doing any good at all. Then I have experiences like these.

Check out the newly completed "Mass with strings attached."

Dallas 'Bible Girl' gets The Thrill

"I wouldn’t have thought I’d be interested in reading about ['learning not to have sex'] myself. I’m pleased to say that, after 17 years of marriage (In spite of it? Because of it?), it’s still sexytime in the Lyons household, and the discipline of abstinence is -- thank you, Jesus -- a rather distant memory. But I was so wrong. Eden’s book, apart from being exceptionally witty and well-written, has such extraordinary insight about sex and intimacy and the reasons we look for love in all the wrong places and end up suffering for it, that I couldn’t wait to tell a dear married friend all about it.

"I learned something, y'all. I told Eden, unable to constrain the whoopin’ and hollerin’ Pentecostal in me, 'The Holy Spirit is all over your book!' So, I admit, what follows is fangirl stuff. Just trust me and buy the book. That’ll shut you up."

— Julie Lyons, editor of the Dallas Observer alternative weekly (published by Village Voice Media), in "Exit to Eden", her interview with me for her Bible Girl blog.

Buy The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On on Amazon.com.

' I entered through the open door of his waiting Heart'A guest post by Therese on healing after abortion

[Dear Readers - The following was sent to me by reader Therese after I invited post-abortive readers to submit guest posts. - Dawn]

Dawn, I don't know about a guest post. My abortion story is the same as every post-abortive mother could tell...

The delayed periods, the dread, the positive pregnancy test; the admonition by friends and family: Do something about it, being told by our family's minister (this is really a quote), "It's just a blob of tissue at this point"; obtaining the cost of airfare and "the procedure" from my estranged spouse; flying to NYC one day and home the next; relieved it was over; realizing a few years later that I'd really killed my own daughter, the dread again.

Some women react to this realization by lashing out at others. Some by joining groups to "support" them in their decision. Some turn their self-hatred inward, on themselves, rather than outward. Some live lives of quiet desperation, some not so quiet.

The only thing that saved me was Jesus in his body on earth, the Catholic Church. The sacraments that Jesus instituted 2,000 years ago were in place and waiting for me when the reality of what had happened dawned on me. I entered through the open door of his waiting Heart and still receive his Body and Blood in Communion with absolute awe.

But this isn't a lived-happily-ever-after story because, in doing post-abortive counseling, I've seen that Mercy is the hardest thing for most people, including me.

These are the roadblocks to it:

1. I'm too bad.
2. Divine Mercy is too easy.
3. I don't need that religion or holy stuff.
4. My abortion was just a choice, not a sin.
5. I had no choice, I had to do it.

The common thread in all these statements is, basically, "I'm too proud to accept forgiveness & mercy. I refuse to become a little child." Fortunately, God knows that we are really, really little children and can only take a few baby steps at a time usually. So he allows us time, time and more time to begin to see and live Reality. We don't have to, and can't possibly, get it all at once.

I guess its just important for everyone who has been involved in abortion to know that if we reject Divine Mercy, for whatever reason, we reject what Jesus did for us on the Cross and we end up condemning ourselves and compounding our sin. That would be a sad way indeed to celebrate today's feastday, the Triumph of the Cross!

I got you Beeb

Check out the thrillofthechaste.com Appearances page for my upcoming tour stops, plus details of an interview to air Wednesday on BBC Radio 4.

Mass with strings attached

"There was a very intelligent woman who was not a Christian. She began to listen to the great music of Bach, Handel and Mozart. She was fascinated and said one day: 'I must find the source of this beauty,' and the woman converted to Christianity, to the Catholic faith, because she had discovered that this beauty has a source, and the source is the presence of Christ in hearts, it is the revelation of Christ in this world."

I was reminded of those words recently spoken by the Holy Father this past Tuesday, when I had the great blessing to attend Washington's first-ever Gold Mass — a "Mass of the Holy Spirit for Professionals in Music and the Performing Arts" at the St. Stephen Martyr Catholic Church.

The church wisely did not advertise the providers of the Mass's music in advance (there is only one real Star of this show), but, now that it's over, the lineup is well worth mentioning. The Kennedy Center Quartet, whose namesake venue is in St. Stephen's parish, provided string accompaniment (among its members is acclaimed cellist David Teie). Alongside them was the church's own trumpeter, Phil Snedecor and its Schola Cantorum, whose lineup includes several excellent opera singers. Directing the music was St. Stephen's organist, Christopher Candela, a real treasure. His long and impressive résumé includes five years as an assisting organist at St. Matthew's Cathedral and the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.

Auxiliary Bishop Martin Holley (right) was the main celebrant. The entire Mass was sung.

Here, from the booklet provided for worshippers, are the main musical selections that were heard (not counting plainsong chants):

Prelude music —
Mein glaubiges Herze, J.S. Bach
Fantasia in G Minor, J.S. Bach
String Quartet No. 8 in C Minor, Opus 110, Shostakovich

Opening hymn —
"Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven"

[The Confiteor was sung to a melody based on Russian chant, adapted by Candela. It was lovely and moving.]

Kyrie Choral Extensions (from Missa Aetera Christi Munera), Palestrina [sung by the Schola]

Gloria (from Coronation Mass, K 317), Mozart

Preparation of Altar and Gifts —
My Eyes for Beauty Pine, Herbert Howells [sung by Schola]

Hymn —
"Spirit Seeking Light and Beauty"

Agnus Dei (from Missa in Simplicitate), Jean Langlais

Communion motets [sung by Schola] —
Super flumina babylonis, Palestrina
Salmo 150, Ermani Aguiar

Final hymn —
"Holy God, We Praise Thy Name"

Recessional —
Suite in D Major for Trumpet and Strings, Purcell

If anyone present had tin ears (and I doubt it, judging by the quality of the voices in the pews), they still got to hear a great homily by Father John Albert Langlois, OP, director of formation at the Dominican House of Studies. He explored the question of whether it is possible for a composer to create inspired music without living a holy life. His answer was that musical talent is a gift from God — one that, like all divine gifts, can never be deserved. The only proper response is to return it to its Source.

That Source felt very present as the Schola sang and the players performed the glorious musical selections. Now, I wouldn't argue that such classic musical selections all deserve a place in the everyday liturgy. Many of them were written as concert selections, many are longer than the usual hymns, and it felt a bit strange to stand as some of them were played (like the gorgeous Mozart "Gloria"); the temptation was to sit down and let them wash over me. But there's no question that it truly felt like a "Mass of the Holy Spirit."

I wasn't the only one who felt it. As I entered the church, I was walking behind a health aide pushing a wheelchair in which sat a very old woman elegantly dressed in purple. I saw the old woman again at Mass's end, when we were singing, "Holy God, We Praise Thy Name," as Bishop Holley recessed up the aisle, blessing the worshippers. She followed him up the aisle — pushing her empty wheelchair.

The woman's health aide followed her, a hand supporting her back. But the woman didn't seem to need the help. Seeing me gazing at her with an open-mouthed smile, she smiled in return and gave me a friendly wave. She looked so joyful — like a toddler whose parents' allowed her to have fun pushing her own empty baby carriage.

Outside the church, I told Monsignor Edward J. Filardi, St. Stephen's pastor, that it was the first time I'd ever seen someone enter a church in a wheelchair and leave pushing her wheelchair. He told me that the woman had just turned 100 years old. That would mean she was born a year after Shostakovich, whose music we had heard. I'd like to think that he, and the other late composers who gave their gifts back to God, were delighted that day to see how God's gifts, through their human labor, keep on giving.

Standing up to Planned Parenthood

Via Jill Stanek and ProLifeBlogs, here are clips of the September 11 Aurora City Council meeting where it was announced that the city would not allow Planned Parenthood's clinic to open until its lawyer determined whether the organization had committed fraud. These clips show both sides of the debate, including local opponents of the fraudulent facility who dispute Planned Parenthood's libelous claims that they are "extremists":




A Los Angeles Times article by a pro-choice journalist has background on Planned Parenthood's gaining permission to build the clinic by hiding its ownership of the building.

Gawker Media: Home of self-deprecating anti-Semites

"[Gawker editor Alex] Balk himself is probably Jewish so that should make it all fine shouldn’t it? It’s no different than any other race that uses derogatory language in reference to themselves; at least not in the mind of unapologetic liberals who only answer to themselves in the depraved circles of like minded individuals. Besides, it’s Jew bashing for the sake of making a liberal point.

"It may not matter to the progressive Jew but it should matter to corporations that wouldn’t allow these kinds of jokes as a matter of HR policy; unless of course they too share this point of view. It would also probably matter to the Balk’s of Lithuania and the rest of the Jews who fled the tide of rampant anti-Semitism during turn of the century Europe before World War I; not to mention those unlucky ones who didn’t quite make it out during World War II. After all, war was waged to snuff out those who murdered Jews in the name of stereotypes so the average media professional would be free to have their typical liberal notions."

— NewsBusters' Terry Trippany, from his excellent post "The Sport of Self Deprecating Jew Bashing at Gawker Media." Read the whole piece. As you know if you've read any of Gawker's or Wonkette's posts about me, Gawker Media is not crazy about Jewish converts to Christianity either.

Prayer request — UPDATED

A deacon at my church just phoned to request prayer for an 18-year-old female college student who is currently undergoing emergency surgery. Please pray for her and for the doctors and nurses who are attending her. Thank you.

UPDATE, 9/13/07, 10:30 a.m.: The young woman made it through surgery, but please keep the prayers up. The next thing will be to see if she has suffered brain damage.

'Don't look,' said the midwifeUPDATED: Daily Mail censors own story

[UPDATE, 9/12/07, 11:00 a.m.: Bizarrely, the excerpt I quote below from a Daily Mail story that went online last night, in which a woman graphically describes her abortion has since been removed from the online version of the story — along with the rest of the woman's interview.

Click the image above to read the interview with Ashleigh Taylor (the woman pictured at left) that the Daily Mail has mysteriously censored from the online article. Thanks to Matthew Balan and Ken Shepherd of NewsBusters for the scan.]

Tomorrow's Daily Mail features the harrowing article "What WE think of abortion - by the women who had them..." With the exception of the final interviewee, a pro-choice activist who gives no details of her abortion procedure, all the interviews — even the ones with women who do not regret their abortions — reveal severely damaged lives.

From the paper's interview with 22-year-old woman who aborted her child three years ago:

By the time I had the abortion, I was 15 weeks and two days pregnant. I went into hospital with my best friend for moral support, and the nurse gave me tablets to bring on labour. Because I was so far into the pregnancy, I had to give birth rather than have a straightforward abortion.

It was horrendous. After two hours the contractions started, and I clung onto the hand of the midwife. Once I felt the baby starting to come, I had to go into the toilet and let it drop onto a stainless steel tray.

"Don't look," said the midwife. "Keep your eyes straight in front of you and walk away immediately." There was no way I could have looked down and seen my baby. I was numb.

By then I was bleeding heavily, but I was allowed to go home. I went straight to bed and told my mum I had a very heavy period. For two days I lay in bed, shocked and exhausted, but I still I knew I had done the right thing.

Three months later, I started university. I coped by just blanking the abortion out. I would make the same decision again, but it has affected my life. I am paranoid about getting pregnant, and haven't had a successful relationship since.

If you or a friend have had an abortion and seek healing, the After Abortion site offers a guide to getting help.

I've got a (not-so-)little list

I'm very happy to announce that the "cover story" of today's edition of Inside Catholic, the new online publication from the publisher and editors of Crisis Magazine, features a 3,000-word article by yours truly: "10½ Reasons to Be Chaste."

See you in September

In case you missed them, here again are my upcoming dates promoting The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. If you live in one of the areas where I'll be, hope to meet you. Feel free to drop a line in advance so I'll know to look for you.

September 15

Talk and book signing, Women for the Third Millennium breakfast, Dallas, Texas. Visit the Women for the Third Millennium Web site for tickets.

September 18

Talk and signing, Farthing Auditorium, Appalachian State University, Boone, North Carolina. Free and open to all. Sponsored by Hope Pregnancy Resource Center.

September 19

Talk and signing, Tan Oak Room, MLK Student Union Building, University of California, Berkeley. 7 p.m. Free. Sponsored by the Lepanto League at Cal and the St. Anthony of Padua Institute.

September 25

Speak to freshmen at Seton Hall University, South Orange, N.J. Private event.

September 26

Tape appearance on Colleen Carroll Campbell's EWTN show "Faith and Culture," New York City.

September 27

Appear live on EWTN's "Life on the Rock," Birmingham, Alabama.

Quote of the day

"Yet such is the liberal elite's obsession with that old mantra 'A Woman's Right To Choose' that shockingly few resources are devoted to any of these strategies, and those institutions that promote the alternatives - such as the Catholic Church and pro-life charities - are condemned as fanatically anti-feminist.

"This is surely madness - all the more so in light of the latest figures that show how popular opinion is directly opposed to making abortion easier."

— British columnist and TV host Amanda Platell, "Why I, as a feminist, abhor how the abortion law has been so abused," in the Daily Mail.

Platell is by no means a pro-lifer; she "support[s] the principle of abortion." However, she is disgusted to see abortion used as contraception, and she actively opposes a new effort to liberalize British abortion law. ("[The abortion lobby seeks] the right for terminations to be carried out by nurses, not doctors, alongside a proposal for abortions to be made available in the home [as with home births]," Platell writes.) Her op-ed includes an informative overview of the history of abortion law in the U.K., and reveals the extent to which popular opinion there has turned against late-term killings.

Doctor in the house

Set your VCR: Dr. Miriam Grossman, author of Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. will be on C-SPAN's BookTV tomorrow at 9:15 a.m. and Monday morning at 1 a.m., reading the last chapter of her book and taking questions. The event was taped last month at the National Press Club, and, if you don't blink, you'll see me in the audience.

Thanks to Dr. Grossman's webmaster (and mine) Brett Taylor for the tip.

From ad hominem to mea culpa

In an essay on Glamour's Web site, former Gawker editor Jessica Coen — whose targets for broadsides included yours truly —repents her past penchant for online insults. Kudos to her for urging others to realize what she admits she herself failed to see — that "there’s a very real person on the other side of that LCD glow."

I wonder what the world — let alone the Web — would be like if everyone did the AA thing and apologized personally to every individual he or she had offended. Bill W. was on to something there.

Thanks to Kevin Walsh for the tip on the article.

Grill of the chaste

I am delighted to announce that in my capacity as director of the Cardinal Newman Society's Love and Responsibility program, I will be writing the advice column "Body and Soul," answering questions on love, relationships, and chastity, for Catholic college newspapers.  Read about it on the society's Web site and follow the e-mail link there to send me your questions.

'Special motherhood is a call to sanctity'

A guest post by LETICIA VELASQUEZ of the Dr. Jerome Lejeune Society

When I gave birth to Christina, my five-year-old with Down syndrome, it was into a supportive community of Catholic homeschoolers, who cooked two months' worth of meals for me, and a family who called the hospital nonstop. Her baptism was celebrated by over one hundred guests who braved the pouring rain on Mother’s Day 2002 to fill our home to bursting with loving fellowship. We live in a community dotted with group homes for special-needs adults, many of whom have Down syndrome, who can be seen all over town, leading happy and productive lives. Christina has had no medical complications of Down syndrome, since the small hole in her heart healed in her first year of life. Compared to so many parents of children with Down syndrome, I have had it easy.

If motherhood is a vocation, then special motherhood is a call to sanctity. Sanctity is achieved by uphill battles, lonely dark nights, and surprising moments of grace. As Catholics, we are called to help one another, using the great gifts of the Church, the sacraments, the intercession of the Blessed Mother and the Communion of Saints. One such saint is Dr Jerome Lejeune, the French geneticist who identified the chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy-21 or Down syndrome. He dedicated his life to seeking the cure for Trisomy-21, and working to defend the dignity of our children against negative public opinion, and the majority of the scientific community who still seek to destroy rather than heal these children. Unborn babies diagnosed with Down syndrome are aborted at the scandalous rate of 90%.

Under the patronage of Servant of God, Dr. Jerome Lejeune I have begun the Dr. Jerome Lejeune Society, as a support for Catholic parents raising children with Down syndrome, a means to encourage pro-life research to enhance their lives and find a cure for the syndrome, and to create a Culture of Life in our society where our beautiful children are welcomed rather than rejected.

If you are a Catholic parent raising a child with Down syndrome, please join us in this mission, and become members of the Dr. Jerome Lejeune Society by e-mailing me through the site and reading the blog. If you would like to co-author the blog, or post your story of raising your child with Down syndrome, please feel free to contact me through my site. Thanks, Dawn for giving me this guest post on your popular blog.

Planned Parenthood to sponsor monthly "Call for Death"A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH

Special to The Dawn Patrol

NEW YORK, September 6 -- Countering a pro-life campaign to make prayer phone calls to abortion clinic employees, clergy at Planned Parenthood have announced a similar "Call for Death" program targeting pregnancy resource centers.

Those participating in the program will pray for the centers' volunteers to stop offering financial, medical, emotional and spiritual support to women considering abortion.

"Women in a such tragic circumstances are already under substantial stress from badgering boyfriends, disapproving family members, concerned 4-H volunteers and economic difficulty," said Rev. May I. Killem of Planned Parenthood's Clergy Advisory Board. "They do not need these pressures compounded by the confusion caused by ultrasounds, baby blankets and love."

Rev. Killem further noted that pro-life efforts often interfere with the natural and wholesome process of abortion decision-making. "God intended for women to enjoy peace and quiet during their sudden and panicked rush to the abortion clinic," she said. "Kind words and deeds might well foster an abnormal and unhealthy affection for the parasite inhabiting her body."

Life is callingA guest post by Melissa

Some phone calls are painful to make, even to people we love or need. A sympathy call to a mourner. A call to 911. An overdue call to the dentist. But do you know how it feels to call someone whose conduct you despise with all your heart -- to tell them that you love them and are praying for them?

That's what I do when I participate in the Monthly Call For Life.

Every first Friday of the month, I call the local Planned Parenthood. Let me tell you, it's not easy for me to talk to the nation's largest abortion provider. The very name makes my stomach turn. But I do it because one never knows what seeds are going to be planted in the heart of the person who answers the phone that day.

Most of the calls have ended quickly with a wordless slam of the receiver. In fact, on only two occasions has the call progressed any further than that. On the first, I heard a woman's angry and icy voice say, "Oh, you should really pray for someone else, but thank you." The other time, much to my astonishment, I was the one to hang up! Not because I was angry – but because the person let me talk until I was finished. I was so accustomed to that "click" of the receiver that I almost forgot what to say! I told her about how I was praying for an end to abortion, and how I was praying for her. Then, I said "God bless you" and hung up. I felt that maybe God had gotten through to her by keeping her quietly on the line without interrupting or cutting me off.
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This all may sound futile to you -- trying, with a phone call, to change the minds of those who lives are dedicated to abortion, of whose very careers depend on it. But even the most diehard abortion advocates have changed. Dr. Bernard Nathanson, a founding member of NARAL responsible for over 75,000 abortions, became an outspoken voice in the pro-life movement. Dr. Beverly McMillan once ran a thriving abortion practice, but is now dedicated to the pro-life cause. And Joan Appleton, a former abortion nurse, changed her mind after turning to a sidewalk counselor for answers to the many questions that had been troubling her about the industry for which she worked.

No one is beyond the reach of your words; the sound of a caring human voice. You may call someone at the very moment that they have reached their breaking point. Someone who has just seen tiny little hands and feet on an ultrasound and is beginning to wonder if what they are doing, is worth doing.

True, some people do not hear as well as others. In fact, that is part of the reason I do this. My four-year old son Casey is hearing-impaired. How would I feel now if at some point in my life, I had made a hasty decision to abort my first child out of fear or desire to not be "burdened?" I know that the way the medical profession is today, they might have gently suggested that I could "try again" for a child free from "defects." Had I known that he wasn't going to be born what the world would view as a "perfect child" I might have been a little scared. I might have wondered how I was going to raise a child with disabilities. However, that still would have never justified an abortion in my heart.

I am glad that my son is here! I am glad that the medical community never had the opportunity to advise such nonsense. My son is such a BLESSING to me and I am GRATEFUL that the Lord made Him this way, because he is a testament of God's GLORY! My child is NOT a mistake! HIS LIFE IS WORTH IT! And, when I see him playing special league t-ball with other "special" kids, I wonder how many of them are there because somebody heard "the call." I also look at my nearly two year-old daughter Gianna. And then I hear the sound of her name, and think of the brave woman after whom I so proudly named her: Gianna Jessen, who survived being burned alive for eighteen hours in an attempted third-trimester saline abortion. Despite being born with cerebral palsy, Ms. Jessen recently completed her first 26.2 marathon (which reminds me – next week I'm participating a Walk for Life fundraiser for my local pregnancy resource center). She is also a talented singer. Press the "play" button here, and ask no more why one day "the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped" (Isaiah 35:4).

The Monthly Call for Life is also meant to reach those whom we have elected to make our voices heard. In addition to calling Planned Parenthood, I call (and/or e-mail) the president, governor and my state representatives to ask them to stand with me for life. I encourage and applaud the ones that do, and plead for the ones who don't to listen to their hearts and do what is right. So please join me tomorrow in the Monthly Call for Life. All the information you need to get started is here. I guarantee it won't be a wrong number!

[Guest blogger Melissa is a stay-at-home mother of two from a small Indiana town. In addition to participating in the Monthly Call for Life, she helps raise funds for her local pregnancy resource center, The Hope Clinic, as well as A Friend's House, a residential facility for young women coping with unplanned pregnancies, self-harm issues, eating disorders and sexual, physical, emotional and substance abuse. Melissa is also on the board of directors of Another Chance Ministries of Susan Stafford, founded by former escort Susan Stafford to reach out and save women currently working in the prostitution industry. Melissa may be contacted at MelissaForLife@gmail.com.]

National Review Online shows porn-friendly Hollywood flicks some McLovin

National Review editor Rich Lowry, in his syndicated column published on National Review Online, has joined the small army of journalists who claim that prurient slapstick flicks like "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" are redeemed by their moral messages.

Color me skeptical. I haven't seen either film, but even if they do include subtle or not-so-subtle messages favoring abstinence-'til-marriage or the pro-life movement (like the ultrasound in "Knocked Up"), I'm not so sure the ends justify the means.

The reason is not just because of the films' multiple "F-word[s]" that Lowry notes, but because of the sexual images contained in the films. Never mind dialogue or plot; films' sexual images stick with viewers apart from what is said in connection with them. And, while not all nudity in film may be pornographic, there's no question that many images in both "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" are intended to resemble pornography.

According to the Web site Kids-in-Mind, which gives detailed information on sex and violence in films, "Superbad" includes numerous images from pornographic magazines. It has teenage girls in various states of undress. It has a man performing a sadomasochistic act on two women. And the list goes on.

Look, I don't care if, at the end of "Superbad," the message is, "Save sex for marriage — everybody go home." There is no question that the film imprints pornographic sexual imagery in viewers' brains, and a little moralizing isn't going to change that.

The psychological effects of viewing such imagery are not to be taken lightly. Dr. Judith Reisman, who has written extensively on the subject,  told a Senate subcommittee investigating "The Science Behind Pornography Addiction,"

Thanks to the latest advances in neuroscience, we now know that emotionally arousing images imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail. This applies to so-called "soft-core" and "hard-core" pornography ...

Once our neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete. ... These media erotic fantasies become deeply embedded, commonly coarsening, confusing, motivating and addicting many of those exposed.

How does this "brain sabotage" occur? Brain scientists tell us that "in 3/10 of a second a visual image passes from the eye through the brain, and whether or not one wants to, the brain is structurally changed and memories are created 'we literally 'grow new brain' with each visual experience."

So, "Superbad" mixes pornography with its comedy — but what does Kids-in-Mind have to say about "Knocked Up," that sweet little pro-life flick? Oh, there's a bouncy little fetus in there — after the naked lap dancers. javascript:void(0)

More insidiously, according to Kids-in-Mind, "Knocked Up" includes a discussion of a pornographic Web site. The name of the Web site in the film is fictitious, but the site is in fact a real one that anyone could easily find after hearing it described in the film. Why the thinly fictionalized site is in the script at all is beyond me — unless the filmmakers wanted to draw traffic to the real thing.

I'm really not sure what critics expect to accomplish by praising the "moral messages" in otherwise immoral films. Perhaps they hope to effect positive change by praising the good. In effect, however, they seem only to encourage Hollywood to pay lip service to morality while filling screens with nekkid centerfold girls. Pardon me if I do not rejoice.

Need inspiration?

Read the beautiful true story of how sidewalk counselors, a passer-by, and a church community united to inspire an impoverished couple to choose life for their baby daughter.

Green thoughts

I inadvertently caused a friend of mine to feel a twinge of disgust as he was eating lunch today.

We were discussing a post I wrote the other day where I mentioned in passing that I was carrying two bags of frozen Brussels sprouts down a supermarket aisle. I was saying that the reaction some readers had to this revelation of my eating habits mystified me.

Either my friend or another at table made a comment questioning the delectability of such a frozen vegetable. That got my dander up a bit.

I exclaimed in the petulant voice that I take when I am wounded and defensive, "They're not regular frozen vegetables; they're steamed. They steam in the bag — you just put it in the microwave, and there's no water to drain. And they're delicious. They don't need salt or anything. I just eat them like candy."

For some reason, the word "candy" gave my friend a start as he was about to bite into his mortadella sandwich. But it only lasted a sec and then he was OK.

Face truth

Looking back, if I had to name the things I wish I'd never allowed myself to worry about, one of the top candidates would be my looks.

I spent so many years of my life thinking I was unattractive. No, not just thinking about it — obsessing about it.

Today, when I look back at photos of myself during the years when I hated my looks, I can't see what I was so worked up about. There are pictures where I'm heavier than I'd like to have been, but none where I look as bad as I thought I did.

Conversely, during the times when I hated my looks the most, I was engaging in behavior that made my soul pretty ugly — having sex outside of marriage, operating on the philosophy that "mutual respect" was an acceptable stand-in for the love for which I hungered. I don't think I ever really believed that philosophy, but I tried hard, because I thought the alternative was a life without love.

My hatred of my looks was in some way a sense of guilt turned inward, but it had a diabolical quality in that it was nihilistic. I knew that I was living hedonistically and superficially, but I couldn't conceive denying myself the pleasures I sought. So I despised myself on the surface — cursing what I thought was a plainness that made me look invisible — while refusing to look inward. My greatest fear was that what was inside would be not only unattractive, but unchangeable.

Today, years after the conversion that made me change the way I lived, I know that the pleasures I thought were essential lead nowhere without joy. Joy, meanwhile, is attainable even when pleasures are not attached. And I am blessed with a lot more love in my life — including greater appreciation of the love of my friends and family — than I had when I sought to use others and be used with "respect."

I still catch myself envying others' looks, but I don't hate my own anymore. It is partly because I have begun to become comfortable in my own skin. But I think it is also because I am making more of an effort to look at others beyond appearances — to stop objectifying people, and to be truly thankful for the blessings they bring into my life. I still have a long way to go, but even a slight change of perspective, trying to see God in others, helps me to see myself as His creation too and be thankful.

In any case, physical attractiveness isn't everything. I think of the wonderful quote from Pope John XXIII, speaking to Bishop Fulton J. Sheen (quoted in Thomas Reeves's Sheen biography, America's Bishop): "God knew from all eternity that I was destined to be Pope. He also knew that I would live for over 80 years. Having all eternity to work on, and also 80 years, wouldn't you think he would have made me better looking?"

Aurora RoaringA Guest Post by Henrietta G. Tavish

Pro-choice advocates frequently bemoan statistics showing that a significant percentage of American counties lack abortion providers. Planned Parenthood is now apparently resorting to fraud to get those numbers up a bit. But the good citizens of Aurora, Illinois aren't standing for it -- as this incredibly heartening footage of last week's city council meetings demonstrates. Don't miss the speeches by father of six Eric Scheidler, Pastor Mark Smith, Alderman Rick Lawrence, longtime resident Elizabeth Earl and her baby-toting husband Roger, who discusses the "faith" of Planned Parenthood as expressed in its various scriptures including Teenwire. It's refreshing to see all the euphemistic whimpering about the "lack of access reproductive health services" countered with such a noneuphemistic response: "Get Outta Town!"

N.J. gov't agency urges 'preventative' measures against pregnant teens

A friend writes:

I have a question and I was wondering if you have come across anything like this in your investigations. My mother-in-law is a social worker in Trenton and she recently got a job in a home for foster pregnant teenage girls or for girls with small children. She was showing me her paperwork and over and over again, one of the requirements to stay in this home run by DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) is that the girls be on birth control. I tried to ask my MIL "what if they are against being on birth control for personal, health or religious reasons?" and she started to tell me how ignorant and dysfunctional these girls are. Now my question was not "why shouldn't these girls be allowed to get pregnant?" That part is obvious but she didn't seem to get my question.

She also had a note that bothered me, and I was afraid to ask, that said "if a girl becomes pregnant preventative measures should be taken to prevent pregnancy..." That confused me.

Have you heard of tax dollars being used like this?

I haven't. Readers?

This is the same DYFS that looked the other way when a family starved four adopted children.

Planned Parenthood sued over botched 'safe and legal' abortion

The Lincoln Journal-Star has the harrowing story.

I notice this detail:

He resigned from the University of Nebraska Medical Center in March 2001 after performing an elective abortion in 2000 in violation of university policy. He joined Planned Parenthood in May 2001.

It must be comforting for doctors who get booted for violating their contracts to know that Planned Parenthood's doors are wide open for clinicians who have proven their lack of integrity.

New wife's contraception, pain, and confusion

I decided to remove the post that was here suggesting readers give advice to a new wife who posted about a marital problem. I had thought that her blog accepted comments, but it turns out it only takes them from her team's members, and I don't want her to have to deal with reading strangers' comments here if she discovers this post. One thing you can do is pray that she gets the help she needs.

To the gent who may have recognized me in the supermarket

I answered "no" because I thought you said, "Excuse me, is your name Racine?"

It was only after I walked away that I thought you might have said in a Washington, D.C., accent, "Excuse me, is your name Miss Eden?" But it seemed indecorous to race back to you to ask if that was, in fact, what you said, when my arms were straining to hold two bags of frozen Bird's Eye Steamers Brussels Sprouts, a quart of Lactaid, and a yam.

Angel of the desert

Since many readers shared my appreciation of the video I posted by Ethiopian Christian singer Mirtinesh, here is another clip of the mysterious and angelic chanteuse.



I wish I knew more about Mirtinesh and the music of the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church. As it stands, I'm aware only of the video clips that are on YouTube. Watching them, one has a sense of a community with a rich spiritual life, full of faith and grace.

Josh Harris on discernment

I was sorry to see that my post on a megachurch's "Bringing Sexy Back" campaign sparked a pile-on of commenters criticizing Protestant approaches to worship. I should have expected that, though it's hard to say how it could have been forestalled.

It's important to note that many if not most Protestants don't exactly favor putting a king-size bed on the pulpit, just as many if not most Catholics aren't crazy about Clown Masses.

As an olive branch, I offer an example of a Protestant pastor and author who doesn't need any questionable stage props: Josh Harris. Here he is with a great story demonstrating the importance of discernment.

Dreaming in blue

Last night, I had one of my recurring dreams where I'm trying to call the police to catch a threatening villain, but the phone call, or my strained plea, somehow doesn't get through.

It occurred to me for only the first time today that the dream is due to a subconscious lack of trust that God will protect me. Either that, or eating chocolate cake after dark.

Usually the phone call doesn't connect, or there's some kind of trouble on the line. Last night, the problem was on the precinct's end. I might as well have been phoning Mayberry.

"A man got into a fistfight with my friend and I subdued him," I breathlessly told the officer. Neither the man nor my female friend were too happy about this, by the way. "Please send someone over. We're in the convention center across the street from Weinstein dorm."

There is no convention center across the street from the 10-story brickfront concrete box where I lived for four years off Washington Square Park.

"You got a nice voice," the officer replied. "Have you ever done harmonizing?"

Baffled, I sputtered a thank-you. He gave the phone to another officer. I could hear him say, "She's got a nice voice. Me, not so much ..."