Abbot and Romero

"I'm a faithful Catholic, lifelong member of the parish of St. George Romero in Pittsburgh, PA, and I have a desperately urgent question in need of your advice. I was just attacked and bitten by a zombie. Would it be sinful to shoot myself in the head, thereby preventing my transformation into a flesh-eating ghoul? I'm concerned not only about the salvation of my eternal soul, but also the well-being of my family. My husband is not terribly observant and I'm concerned I might eat him before he notices that I've turned."

Read the answer from St. Bernard of Clairvaux, aka Doctor Mellifluus, in Dear Abbé.