Planned Parenthood clarifies clinic position: "One-third of Aurora’s population is Latino"

A guest satire by HENRIETTA G. TAVISH

Special to The Dawn Patrol

AURORA, ILL, September 17 – Seeking to eliminate some of the confusion surrounding its construction of an abortion clinic in an Illinois suburb, Planned Parenthood today sought an emergency injunction to open the facility immediately on the ground that one-third of Aurora’s Population is Latino.

The organization's lawyers pointed out that Aurora's has a "large and growing" population that its existing "Express" sites cannot properly handle. Specifically, they noted that those outlets have "only a limited reproductive health care menu" which does not include certain surgical entrees. "Your Honor, it's like going into a Taco Bell and finding you can't get the 'whole enchilada,' if you know what I mean," said lead counsel Will Slaughter. "Latina women deserve better."

The City had originally delayed the opening on the ground that the organization had misled authorities during the zoning and permit process. But Planned Parenthood argued that its statistics regarding the Latino population were indisputable, and whatever harm might result from other inaccuracies was outweighed by the risk of a one-half Latino city. Counsel cautioned that an "unmet need" for certain services had already resulted in undue "racial and ethnic diversity" in various neighborhoods in New York.