Thursday, June 5, 2008

Ticket to writhe

"So, if there were no dating stories [in the 'Sex and the City' film], what was going on? Lots of brutally painful relationship stories along with talk about fashion. In other words, it was guy hell. We could put that movie on constant rotation at Gitmo and within a couple of days, the terrorists there would be begging to be waterboarded just to get away from their TV screens.

"At about the 40 minute mark, I was ready to gouge my eyes out with my thumbs to stop the pain and that's when I remembered that the movie ran a full two hours and twenty minutes. Furthermore, I couldn't leave because I had to discuss the movie in this column. At that point, if they had cyanide capsules at the concession stand, I might have bought a handful.

"Later that night, after calling some female friends who were big fans of the show, I found out that it got much more relationship-oriented in the later seasons. Had I only known, I would have just written column #47 on Barack Obama instead of spending more than two hours of my life in that Prada nightmare.

"If you want a quick review of the movie, it's easy to give you one in less than five words. For women it's, 'Relationship stuff. You'll love it!' and for men, it's just 'Run!'"

— John Hawkins, from "A Man's View of Sex and the City," in today's I'm grateful to John for the very kind shout-out in his column, though I wish I could take back the uncharacteristically nasty comment I made long ago about the SATC characters that leads off his piece.