Becoming Dr. Dawn: A grateful remembrance of my defense

The post-defense victory photo! Behind me, from left, are Rev. Emery de Gaál, Third Reader; Dr. Matthew Levering, Director; Very Rev. Thomas Baima, Vice Rector for Academic Affairs and Doctoral Board Convener; and Dr. Reinhard Hütter, Second Reader.

It is with great gratitude to God and to you, the readers who have been praying for me and helping support me throughout my journey, that I can now share the wonderful news that on Thursday, March 31, 2016, I successfully defended my doctoral dissertation. The Doctoral Board—Director and First Reader Dr. Matthew Levering, Second Reader Rev. Emery de Gaál, and Third Reader Dr. Reinhard Hütter—gave me an A on both my dissertation and my presentation. Now I am set to graduate with my sacred-theology doctorate from the University of St. Mary of the Lake (Mundelein Seminary) on May 7, magna cum laude summa cum laude [updated 5/7/16]. It will be the first time in the university's history that a canonical (i.e. pontifically licensed) doctorate will be awarded to a woman.

I would have reported this wonderful news here sooner, but I have been busy making the final corrections recommended by my Doctoral Board. Among the corrections was that I rewrite my dissertation's title to make it better reflect the types of primary sources it cites. Yesterday, the new title received official approval: "The Mystical Body and Its Loving Wounds: Redemptive Suffering in Magisterial Teaching, Pre-Papal Writings, and Popes' Teachings as Private Theologians, 1939-2015."

I smile as Dr. Levering addresses me. The priest with the white hair at right (seen in profile) is Fr. Don Dietz, O.M.I.

When planning what to wear to my defense, my initial thought was to avoid looking too feminine, for fear of appearing out of place. But when my friend Therese took me shopping for a dress a couple of days beforehand, my eyes alighted on a purple one and it reminded me of how my late (Great-)Aunt Alma Denny loved that color. That in turn made me think of Alma's classic New York Times op-ed on the importance of maintaining femininity in a de-genderized world: "An Ashley by Another Name." And I knew I had to wear purple in tribute to her and wear my womanly identity with pride.

As the big day approached, and as I took my place in the Doctoral Room, I was nervous. But once I gave my twenty-minute prepared presentation and the board began to question me, my nerves subsided and I actually enjoyed it. It was a tremendous blessing to be questioned about my work by such an outstanding group of scholars.

One example will give an idea of the sort of questions I was asked and how I responded. Dr. Hütter asked me why, in discussing the Second Vatican Council's use of Sacred Scripture in formulating its doctrine on redemptive suffering, I did not mention the Council's use of Colossians 1:24. I answered that, by the time I discussed Vatican II in my dissertation, I had already explored Pius XII's use of Colossians 1:24, and that the only citation of that verse in Vatican II's constitutions is in direct continuity with Pius. The citation, I explained, occurs in Lumen gentium, no. 49, which is in chapter VII of that document; the chapter's drafter, Paul Molinari, S.J., drew the reference to Colossians 1:24 from Pius's encyclical Mystici corporis, which he cited in a footnote. (It was a joy, albeit a sad one, for me to have occasion to mention Fr. Molinari on such an important occasion in my life, as I was blessed to know him; he died in 2014.)

After the board questioned me, and I took questions from the assembled members of the faculty, including Mundelein Seminary adjunct spiritual director Fr. Don Dietz, O.M.I.—a dear friend who was a peritus at Vatican II—the field was opened up for questions from the perimeter. Here is a brief clip in which you can see me straining to hear an audience member's question coming to me from across the room.


The board then left to deliberate and I chatted with friends while awaiting their verdict. About thirty people had come to witness the event, among them several first-year and second-year pre-theologians (new seminarians who are completing the required credits of philosophy). My favorite comment was from a first-year pre-theologian who said that, whereas he was not able to understand all of the questions, he was always able to understand the answers. That was a great encouragement to me, as my plan is to teach in a seminary. (I am currently awaiting confirmation of a job offer—prayers, please!)

After nearly half an hour, the board finally returned. Fr. Baima announced the joyful news: "Habemus doctorem"!


This single-second video shows how happy I was as the applause arose.
When I upon graduation officially become Dr. Dawn, I will, for the first time since high school, return to using my full birth name, Dawn Eden Goldstein, in honor of my father and of all my family (on both sides), whose encouragement has been an invaluable support to me. Moreover, being that my ancestral Jewish faith has so enriched my faith as a Catholic, it seems fitting to honor the Jewish people by using the name that identifies me with them.

Here is the prepared text that I presented at my defense:

The title of my dissertation is "The Mystical Body and Its Loving Wounds: Redemptive Suffering in Recent Magisterial Teaching." [N.B. As noted above, it is now "The Mystical Body and Its Loving Wounds: Redemptive Suffering in Magisterial Teaching, Pre-Papal Writings, and Popes' Teachings as Private Theologians, 1939-2015."]

I chose to research this topic because my experience as an author and speaker on spiritual healing has convinced me that the Church’s teaching on redemptive suffering is vital to its evangelical witness. My hope is that this study will help our teachers, pastors, and caregivers help the suffering locate their wounds within what Pope Francis calls the “loving wounds” of Christ crucified and risen.

For the purpose of this study, the term “redemptive suffering” refers to the Catholic teaching that God enables the faithful to participate through their sufferings in the redemption won by Jesus Christ.

In my introduction, I review the recent literature concerning redemptive suffering. Recent discussion on the topic has taken place within a larger discussion concerning the atonement. Those who dispute the Church’s teachings concerning Christ’s suffering likewise dispute its teachings concerning the faithful’s participation in Christ’s suffering.

After giving a brief outline of Catholic teaching on the atonement, I examine the theologies of suffering put forth by two influential critics of that teaching: Edward Schillebeeckx and Jürgen Moltmann. I find that, although Schillebeeckx and Moltmann approach the theology of suffering with different presuppositions, what they and the schools of thought that they represent agree upon is that any theology of suffering must have a telos that is grounded in this world—not in heaven. The only real meaning that they are willing to assign to suffering is that it inspires the sufferer, or those who witness suffering, to work for justice.

Where does that attitude leave the person who is suffering? As I see it, if suffering has no meaning unless it is “productive,” then the sufferer is at best a useful idiot. Left with no hope to see personal good accrue from his suffering, he or she is simply an instrument at the service of some future common good, a means to an end. Such an attitude is hardly compatible with the social teachings of the Second Vatican Council—teachings that tell us “a man is more precious for what he is than for what he has” (GS 35) and that “the disposition of affairs is to be subordinate to the personal realm and not contrariwise” (GS 26).

So, the aim of my study is to closely examine the teachings of popes from Pius XII through Francis, as well as those of Vatican II, in order to determine whether Catholic doctrine, rightly understood, can offer more compelling answers to the problem of suffering than those that have been offered by its critics. My particular interest is to explore how the recent Magisterium can help us put forth a theology of suffering that neither objectifies sufferers nor idealizes them but rather meets them in the concrete reality of their experiences, enabling them to find joy and hope.

Chapter 1 concerns Pope Venerable Pius XII’s doctrine of redemptive suffering. I chose Pius’s Magisterium as the starting point because of the considerable influence that his theology had at Vatican II. Apart from Sacred Scripture, Pius is the most-cited authority in the Council’s writings.

Pius’s most significant teachings on redemptive suffering are in his encyclicals Mystici corporis, Mediator Dei, and Haurietis aquas. I first examine what each of those enyclicals says on suffering and redemption and then analyze how Pius draws upon certain sources that have particular importance for his considerations. Those sources are Sacred Scripture and St. Thomas Aquinas.

The most important thing Pius brings to the Church’s understanding of redemptive suffering is his insistence that the suffering of the individual always has an ecclesial dimension and cannot be rightly understood apart from such a dimension (see MC 15). Pius holds that the Christian’s union with Christ and the Church is lived out in a particularly vital manner through suffering. The Church, as the Mystical Body of Christ, is missioned to cooperate with Christ in extending the fruits of the Incarnation through time. In this light, Colossians 1:24 comprises a mandate for the Church: filling up in our flesh those things that are wanting of the sufferings of Christ for his Church is a divine duty enjoined upon all the faithful.

When Pius speaks of the suffering Christian’s participation in Christ’s redemption, he emphasizes the Christian’s union with Christ’s Passion. Left unsaid is how Christ’s Resurrection affects the Christian’s experience of suffering.

However, Pius does make reference to divinization. He emphatically affirms Christ’s kenosis as the effective cause of our theosis. On his account, to suffer in union with Christ is to experience a certain continuity between the life of grace and the life of beatitude, for it is a sharing in Christ’s own knowledge and love, which he expressed to humanity through his suffering.

Pius maintains that the faithful’s sharing in Christ’s own knowledge and love, which they accomplish through co-suffering with Christ, comprises an offering of love that they make to God through Christ. This offering is enabled by their baptismal union, which makes them Christ’s associates in redemption. It deepens and grows through their continued sacramental participation.

Chapter 2 concerns the Second Vatican Council’s doctrine of redemptive suffering. It begins with a brief summary of Pope St. John XXIII’s doctrine on the topic. I then examine the Vatican II documents that are most important for the Council’s teachings on redemptive suffering: Sacrosanctum concilium, Lumen gentium, and Gaudium et spes. After that, I consider two major sources for the Council’s doctrine: Sacred Scripture and the writings of Pius XII. I then briefly examine Paul VI’s teachings before offering conclusions.

What I find is that the Second Vatican Council’s teaching on redemptive suffering builds upon the received teaching in significant ways.

Whereas Pius wrote of redemptive suffering only in terms of union with Christ’s Passion, the Council places it within the framework of the Paschal Mystery, which the Council identifies as Christ’s Passion, Resurrection, and Ascension. The Council’s inclusion of the Resurrection in its definition of the Paschal Mystery enables a shift in pastoral emphasis. It shows that when the Church speaks of the redemptive action of the Passion, it does not consider such action in isolation from that of the risen Christ.

To explain the importance of this shift, I show how the Council’s teachings, read as a whole, trace out a dynamic through which the faithful’s sufferings gain redemptive meaning and value. This dynamic runs as follows:

1) The liturgy enables the Christian to “lay hold upon” the mysteries of redemption and thereby “become filled with saving grace” (SC 102).

2) Redemptive grace, received through encountering Christ in the liturgy, enables the Christian to interiorize the Paschal Mystery and carry forth its remembrance into his or her every action or suffering (SC 106, see also SC 12).

3) Conformed to Christ through this gift of grace, the Christian makes a gift of self to God and neighbor, a gift perfected by suffering (GS 37, cf. GS 22, GS 24).

4) This gift of self constitutes a return of divine love that is poured out in cooperation with Christ’s own gift of self and is thereby communicated through Christ to God and neighbor (LG 41, cf. SC 12, LG 8, LG 34).

The fourth point is central to understanding the Council’s most important contribution to Catholic teaching on redemptive suffering. Against contemporary philosophies that hold suffering to be meaningless (GS 10, 12, and 21), the Council responded by elucidating intrinsic links between the Cross and the Resurrection, and between the faithful’s suffering and their glorification (SC 104). In this way, it opened a path to understanding suffering not merely as a meaningful experience but rather as a meaning-making experience, for suffering enables the sufferer to communicate divine love in an irreducibly personal manner. Far from being dehumanizing, as philosophers of despair would have it, suffering is therefore an expression of human identity on its most fundamental level—identity in Christ.

Chapter 3 concerns Pope St. John Paul II’s doctrine of redemptive suffering. I begin by briefly examining the teachings of John Paul’s second encyclical, Dives in misercordia, inasmuch as they concern topics to which he will return in his apostolic letter Salvifici doloris. Next, I analyze Salvifici doloris in depth. It is of special importance for this study as it is the only magisterial document devoted entirely to redemptive suffering. I then consider the two sources that, apart from Sacred Scripture, are most important for understanding Salvifici doloris: Aquinas and the Second Vatican Council.
John Paul’s doctrine on redemptive suffering brings key points of Catholic tradition together with the Second Vatican Council’s teaching on what it means to be made in the image of God, justified through Christ, and perfected by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Two concepts articulated at Vatican II provide touchstones for John Paul’s doctrine. They are the Council’s understanding of the Paschal Mystery and the imago Dei.

In John Paul’s synthesis, the suffering Christian, through the qualities that constitute him or her as imago Dei, is dynamically united to Christ through the graces that flow from the Paschal Mystery. Such a union is dynamic because the Paschal Mystery is itself dynamic, having its telos in Christ’s Resurrection, which is the cause of our resurrection (SD 15).

The Christian’s suffering therefore becomes a means through which the sufferer, open to the interior action of grace, makes a self-offering to God through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit, in union with the prayers and Eucharistic sacrifice offered by the whole Church (see SD 24). As the sufferer becomes joined more deeply to the Church’s sacrifice, his or her suffering, although evil in itself, is no longer cause for isolation or misery. Rather, it comprises a return of divine love and an ever-deepening participation in the ecclesial communion that is effected by Christ’s own self-offering. In this way, suffering enables an actualization of the communal dimension of the imago Dei, bringing the sufferer closer to the perfect conformity to Christ that he or she will enjoy in its fullness in the kingdom of God.

Chapter 4 concerns Pope Francis’s doctrine of redemptive suffering. I begin by briefly analyzing Pope Benedict XVI’s thought on the topic before moving on to explore Francis’s teachings. I also draw upon Francis’s pre-papal writings to illuminate teachings he has presented during his papacy. I then discuss two theological thinkers who have had an especially profound influence upon Francis’s teachings on suffering and redemption: St. Ignatius Loyola and John Navone, S.J.

Although Francis’s reflections on redemptive suffering testify to his formation in Ignatian spirituality, his synthesis is highly original. He wishes to bring the faithful to understand their sufferings in light of God’s providential love, so that memory might become for them the field of action in which they encounter Christ.

Francis’s theology of suffering is deeply ecclesial and Eucharistic. If he seeks to bring the faithful to encounter Christ through the medium of memory, it is so that they might bring their own personal memories into union with the Church’s memory, which is constituted in the Eucharistic liturgy.

The aspects of Francis’s theology of suffering that are most distinctive are those he has developed from John Navone, S.J.’s theology of failure. In particular, by presenting the Cross as that through which the sinless Jesus suffers and transcends the negative effects of our human finitude—both our culpable and non-culpable failures—Francis highlights the gratuity of grace and the depth of divine mercy.

In my conclusion, I acknowledge that, before Vatican II, Catholic teaching on redemptive suffering was often presented to the general public in a distorted fashion, and the culprits were not critics of the faith but Catholics themselves. The historian Robert Orsi, recalling the “victim soul” ethos of his Catholic childhood, says that “by making pain a challenge, or test, of spiritual capacity, devotional culture added a layer of guilt and recrimination to the experience of bodily disease, as it proclaimed that most humans would fail this test. The ethos denied the social, communal, and psychological consequences of illness.”

Orsi’s critique of redemptive suffering is compelling in a manner that cannot be said of those presented by the thinkers mentioned in the introduction, because he has no theological agenda. He simply shows that inasmuch as Catholic efforts to address the problem of suffering bypass the sufferer’s concrete situation, they are doomed to failure. In that respect, Orsi’s analysis also reveals the deficiencies of contemporary theologies that treat sufferers as instruments at the service of some future common good.

My study shows that during the ’40s and ’50s, despite the distortions that Orsi witnessed, Pius XII was articulating how suffering facilitates union with Christ for its own sake and not merely for the sake of expiating sin or filling up the Church’s treasury of grace. Subsequent popes and the Council built upon this understanding in profound and creative ways. Although the Magisterium has viewed and continues to view suffering as an opportunity for spiritual growth, it does so within a hermeneutic based not upon passivity and victimhood but rather upon personal agency in partnership with Christ.

I sum up my findings by examining two areas of doctrine in which the teachings of the recent Magisterium offer ways of understanding the redemptive value of suffering that honor the sufferer’s dignity, guard against ideologies that would use the sufferer as a means to an end, and provide the sufferer with a hope grounded in God’s self-revelation in Christ. Those areas concern Christian suffering as a participation in the Paschal Mystery and as an occasion for the restoration of the divine image in the sufferer.

Finally, I describe how the recent Magisterium offers sound principles to guide theologians in developing a biblically and doctrinally grounded theology of hope. Such a theology would provide a needed corrective to the theologies promoted by those who deny that the Christian’s experience of suffering can, in and of itself, bring the Christian closer to the Kingdom of God. [Note: At this point of the presentation, my twenty minutes were up, so I stopped here.]

It must be acknowledged that there are valuable intentions behind the efforts of those seeking to correct what they fear is an unhealthy attitude among Catholics that valorizes suffering at the expense of taking action to stop it. Certainly we should do good. But doing good is not enough. Christ calls us to be good—sharing in God’s very life. And we share in God’s very life through sharing in the Cross—a sharing, that as John Paul says, comes about through the risen Christ, therefore through a special sharing in the Resurrection (SD 21).

Surely that experience of sharing in the Cross through sharing in the Resurrection is what the Catechism has in mind when it says “our participation in the Eucharist already gives us a foretaste of Christ’s transfiguration of our bodies” (CCC 1000). For the Catholic, heaven is not an alien and faraway place. Heaven is a living reality, and we enter into it more deeply through suffering with Christ.

Thank you.

As I exited the building after my defense, my friend Therese, who took this photo,
surprised me with a congratulatory sidewalk message.

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Postscript #1: If the observations I made in my defense presentation about Pope Francis are of interest, you can read them in a popularized form in my new book Remembering God's Mercy: Redeem the Past and Free Yourself from Painful Memories.

Postscript #2: I recently purchased academic regalia—a gown, hood, and a doctoral biretta (which is the appropriate headgear for my degree)—so that I might have it not only for my graduation but also for future convocations at the seminary where I will be teaching. Although a gift from a friend covered the biretta, I paid for the gown and hood from my own funds.  If you would like to contribute to help defray the cost, I will remember you with thanksgiving at graduation and whenever I wear the regalia in future. Click here to contribute.

Bringing My Peace to NET TV & Washington's CIC

It has been a busy spring! On May 16, I graduated the Pontifical Faculty of the Immaculate Conception at the Dominican House of Studies, receiving a pontifical licentiate in sacred theology (STL), magna cum laude, praise God. The STL is given under the authority of the Holy See and qualifies me to teach on the seminary level. If you are among those who have been supporting my studies with prayers, please know that I am deeply grateful.

More prayers will be needed this fall, as I begin the last leg of my studies toward a sacred-theology doctorate. All the major coursework is over—now the main task is completing the dissertation, which I have already begun. To that end, I am delighted to be entering the doctoral program at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois, where the rector is Fr. Robert Barron of Word on Fire. My dissertation director is the prolific author and magnificent Thomist Dr. Matthew Levering.

Although my summer is mostly taken up with preparing for my move from Washington to Mundelein, I do have two personal appearances coming up in which I will share the message of my book of Catholic spirituality for adult victims of Catholic sexual abuse, My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints:

June 22: I will be the guest of Fr. Robert Keighron, discussing My Peace I Give You on the WOR Radio/NET TV program "In the Arena." 

• The radio version of the program airs at 8 a.m. ET on New York Talk & News Radio WOR (710 AM) and will additionally be streamed online via iHeartRadio.com.

• The television version airs at 8 p.m. ET on the Diocese of Brooklyn's NET TV (in Brooklyn TimeWarner Ch. 97 and Cablevision Ch. 30) and will additionally be streamed online.

July 31:  On this, the feast of St. Ignatius Loyola, I will speak at Washington, D.C.'s Catholic Information Center on "Healing the Memory: What St. Ignatius Loyola and Pope Francis Can Teach Us." The talk is at 6 p.m.; see the CIC's website for more information.

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If you are interested in hosting me for a talk about healing sexual wounds with the help of the saints, or would just like to hear the message I share, here is a link to download a recording of the talk I gave October 20 at Jesus the Divine Word Parish in my home Archdiocese of Washington: "What the Saints Can Teach Us About Purification of Memory." Contact me through the e-mail address listed at the bottom of my home page, dawneden.com. I am particularly interested in continuing my apostolate to inmates, persons who have been prostituted or trafficked, and persons in recovery, and would also like to speak to Native Americans and other underserved populations.

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If you have benefited from my writing or speaking, please consider making a donation so that I may continue to spread the message of healing sexual wounds with the help of the saints.

Life in Eden—and "Life on the Rock"

Looking for my upcoming personal appearances? Click here!

With "Life on the Rock" hosts Doug Barry and Father Mark Mary, MFVA, after taping an interview for the show Aug. 15 (airing Sept. 15)

As I prepare to begin a new semester in my studies toward a sacred-theology licentiate (the last prerequisite I need before I can officially be a candidate for a sacred-theology doctorate), I would like to take a moment to thank you who have supported me in my apostolate and share with you my latest personal news:

• It was my great pleasure last week to tape an episode of EWTN's "Life on the Rock." For a full hour, Doug Barry and Father Mark Mary, MFVA, asked me about the message of My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. I was tremendously gratified by the depth of their questions. They asked me about how those who have suffered childhood sexual abuse can heal from the effects of post-traumatic stress and find meaning in their sufferings. I was able to speak about many topics that are of central importance for victims, including understanding the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and what it means to find comfort through hiding within the wounds of Christ.
  
  The episode is set to air on September 15, the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. If you would like to get a taste of it in the meantime, you can download the audio interview Father Mark Mary did with me when I visited EWTN last May to speak about My Peace on "Women of Grace."

• I wrote to you a few months ago that I was having an operation to straighten my "lazy" left eye. With the help of your prayers, the operation went very well. As you can see from the photo above, my left eye is red, but it is looking straight and is enjoying more peripheral vision than before.

• Apart from going to school, going to Mass, and spending time with friends, my favorite pastime is visiting the Jesuit cemetery at Georgetown University. I make this pilgrimage every week in honor of my beloved late mentor Father Francis Canavan, S.J. While there, I pray for Jesuit Holy Souls; for all living Jesuits, whether current or former; and for all students, faculty, and staff at Jesuit schools.
  
  
  
  
  
  At the Jesuit section of St. Louis's Calvary Cemetery, I paid my respects to Father Daniel A. Lord, S.J., Father Edward Dowling, S.J., and their companions in January 2011. Photo by Mark S. Abeln.
  
  When I visited the Georgetown Jesuit cemetery yesterday, I thought about how I have spent more than a day of my life in prayer there (and another several days walking there and back). It seemed to me that since I am visiting Georgetown University on a weekly basis anyway, it would be a good thing if I also reached out to living Jesuits, especially the old and infirm. So, this evening, I wrote to a Georgetown Jesuit I know, asking if the Jesuit infirmary might be able to use me as a volunteer. Please pray for God's will for this intention, as it would be meaningful to me to honor Father Canavan in this way, and no doubt the experience of volunteering would be personally enriching. (There are, of course, other homes for the aged in the area, and I have visited three of them, but I think I would most enjoy visiting aged Jesuits.)
  
  [Update: Just after posting this, I heard back from the Georgetown Jesuit. He thanked me for my offer, but said they had recently closed the infirmary and assisted living area of the community, so the older and infirm Jesuits are now housed in the Society's new facility in Baltimore. He also asked me to keep them in my prayers, which of course I will—please join me in that intention.]

• In terms of planning for my future and for my vocation, the most important thing to me right now is to continue studying towards a doctorate in sacred theology, in the hope that I may be a professor one day. This is important to me because it is my hope that the Lord wants to bring me vocational fulfillment as a professor. It is also important on a prudential level, because I am about to turn forty-five, am a cancer survivor, and need to get the education that will best enable me to provide for myself as the years progress. Thankfully, the Lord has given me great health, but the bout with cancer made me cognizant that I will not always be able to withstand the pace of graduate studies—plus every year I am in school means more student-loan debt. So I am working as hard as I can to complete my studies as quickly as possible, to get qualified to teach on the university level and learn what Divine Providence has in store for me next.
  
  Perhaps now you can see why I really need my visits to the Jesuit Holy Souls every week. On the one hand, many of the men buried at the Georgetown Jesuit Cemetery received advanced degrees in theology (not all; some were lay brothers or died as scholastics), and many of those received schooling far more rigorous than mine.
  
  (Which reminds me of a story Father Canavan told me about his first day of class at Duke University, where the society sent him for doctoral studies in the mid-1950s:
  
  "The young lady who was seated next to me informed me that her daddy was a vice president at General Motors.
  
  "I tried to think of an appropriate response. So I told her that I had just graduated from a school where all the courses were taught in Latin, and all the exams were given in Latin.
  
  "And she said to me, 'That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.'")
  
  Anyway, so, on the one hand, those Jesuit Holy Souls have been there, done that, fought the good fight. I pray for them; once they get to heaven, they can cheer me on as I tread paths they trod.
  
  And on the other hand, these Holy Souls, being purified, are still in some sense bound by time—as am I. Admittedly, they are not working so much as God is working on them, but they yet have miles to go before they sleep—as do I. So we are really in this race together: they as they prepare for the visio Dei, me as I prepare for my lectio coram. We support and love one another in the Mystical Body of Christ. Blessed be God in His angels and in His saints.

• I am most grateful for your support, especially your prayers. If you would like to support me in other ways, here is my Amazon Wish List of books that I need for the fall semester. [Update, 8/19/13: What a blessing to find that readers have purchased all the books on my list! Thank you so much for your tremendous generosity! I will remember you with much gratitude as I continue my studies.]

• Know that I pray every day for everyone who has read my writings or heard me speak. That means you!

"My Peace" at Johnnette's place: Watch me on EWTN's "Women of Grace" every day, June 17-21

Just a reminder that I will be appearing on EWTN's "Women of Grace," hosted by Johnnette Benkovic, every day from this Monday, June 17, through Friday, June 21, discussing my book of Catholic spirituality for adults who have suffered childhood sex abuse, My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. Here on the East Coast, a new episode of the show will air each day at 11 a.m., repeating at 11:30 p.m., but check EWTN's schedule for the times in your region. The website also has a live stream so that you can watch the programs online.

I would really like to get the word out to pastors about the week of My Peace coverage on "Women of Grace," so that they might let parishioners know about it. If you are a pastor, here is one way that you could mention the show in the announcements at Sunday Mass:

"We who have been joined to Christ and to our neighbor in the Eucharist at this liturgy are now called to bring the light we have received to others, particularly to those who are suffering. This week, every day from Monday through Friday, the EWTN television program 'Women of Grace' with Johnnette Benkovic is running a special series of programs on healing childhood wounds with the help of the saints. Johnnette's guest will be Dawn Eden, author of My Peace I Give You. If someone you love is a survivor of childhood trauma or abuse, these episodes of 'Women of Grace' will help you to help that person find the peace of Christ that heals all wounds. For more information on 'Women of Grace,' or to watch the show online, visit EWTN.com."

I have another special event coming up this Friday, June 21, but it will be for a more select audience. On that morning, I will bring the message of My Peace I Give You to the Riverside Correctional Facility, which is the city's jail for women. My hope is that this will be the first of many opportunities to speak to inmates about healing childhood wounds with the help of the saints, as so many people who are incarcerated have suffered abuse or trauma. I particularly want to bring the message of My Peace I Give You to male inmates, as men often feel the toxic effects of abuse more intensely than women, as they tend to carry greater misplaced shame about the evil things done to them as children.

If you would like to offer material support to bring My Peace to more victims of abuse, there is a present need: The Catholic chaplain of the Riverside Correctional Facility, Father Matthew Palkowski, O.F.M. Cap., would like to have copies of My Peace I Give You to distribute to the women under his care. If you would like to donate books, you can order them through the sales department of my publisher, Ave Maria Press, at 1-800-282-1865, ext. 1 (or via fax). Just tell them you want the copies to go to Father Palkowski and they can send them to him; they have his address.

For more information on my upcoming appearances, scroll down or click here. To see one of my previous EWTN appearances, when I shared my conversion story on "The Journey Home," click here.

Life in Eden updateBringing My Peace to EWTN—and behind jailhouse walls

Sharing the message of My Peace I Give You with Catholic students at American University's multi-faith Kay Spiritual Life Center, April 20, 2013
With the help of your prayers, my summer vacation is off to a beautiful start as I prepare to speak about healing sexual wounds with the help of the saints to a new audience: women in jail. Here's a quick rundown of all the latest news about my apostolate, studies, and health:

• This month, I am appearing on six different episodes of EWTN TV programs, speaking on all of them about My Peace I Give You. On June 4—tomorrow, as I write—Colleen Carroll Campbell's interview with me for "Faith and Culture" will be rerun (6 p.m. EDT), and from June 17 through June 21, I will appear every day on Johnnette Benkovic's "Women of Grace" (11 a.m. EDT, repeats at 11:30 a.m.). Check your local listings for times and stations via EWTN.com, where you can also watch the shows via livestream.
  
  I am grateful to Colleen and Johnnette for granting me time on their shows to reach out to viewers who have been affected by childhood sexual abuse or trauma. Although the topic of abuse comes up on the news, very few television hosts on any network devote any time to speaking about how victims may find healing. Please pray that viewers may come to know that all their sufferings have profound meaning in light of the glorified wounds of our crucified and resurrected Lord.
  
  This month will also see me speak in Cherry Hill, N.J. and on Sean Herriott's Relevant Radio program "Morning Air." For information on those and other upcoming appearances, see my tour dates.

I told my conversion story to Marcus Grodi last October on "The Journey Home"

• I wrote to you earlier that I feel called to share the message of My Peace I Give You with prisoners. That dream is now approaching fulfillment, as Father Matthew Palkowski, O.F.M. Cap., who is the chaplain for Catholic inmates of the Philadelphia jails, has invited me to address the women of the Riverside Correctional Facility on June 21. Please pray for me and for the inmates, so many of whom have suffered childhood abuse or trauma.
  
  Father Palkowski has told me that he would like to have copies of My Peace I Give You to distribute to the women under his pastoral care, who number more than one thousand at any given time. If you would like to help, you may do so by ordering books for inmates through the sales department at Ave Maria Press, (800) 282-1865, ext. 1 (or click here to see their fax and e-mail address). Just tell the salespeople that you would like to donate the books to Father Palkowski in the Philadelphia prison chaplaincy; they have his mailing address.
  
  I am also grateful for donations to support my making mission trips to speak to inmates or other needy populations (e.g. unwed mothers, or people who are in recovery). If you would like to donate via PayPal, click here. Donations made to my PayPal account will be set aside for travel expenses for future mission trips, unless otherwise specified. I do also have personal expenses coming up for which I will need assistance, such as new contact lenses in the wake of my upcoming eye surgery (more on that below). If you would like your donation to go towards those expenses, please note that in the message field on the PayPal screen, or let me know by e-mail.
• Last month, thanks be to God, I received my S.T.B. degree, a graduate degree in theology granted under the authority of the Holy See, from the Pontifical Faculty of the Immaculate Conception. The degree is a prerequisite for entering studies for a pontifical licentiate (for which I will return to school in the fall) and doctorate. I wrote to you earlier that I hope to enter into a state of lay consecration. Careerwise, I would like to teach on the university level. Having a pontifical degree makes me feel closer to these goals of teaching the faith and living the mystery of spiritual motherhood in the heart of the Church.
• Finally, I would like to ask your prayers for my eye surgery, which will take place this Wednesday, June 5, at an outpatient facility. I will be put under general anesthesia as the surgeon adjusts the muscles of both my eyes, to correct my strabismic amblyopia (a form of lazy eye). It is my fourth such operation (the last one was in 2000). My hope is that it will improve my peripheral vision, as my Guardian Angel has been working overtime to keep me from bumping into things. [UPDATE, 6/14/13: The operation went smoothly, and I am healing well, thank God. Soon, when the soreness dissipates, I hope to find that I am seeing better. Even now, my eyes look straight. Thanks so much for your prayers!]

Life in Eden update: Director of Dominicans' Angelic Warfare Confraternity endorses My Peace, new recorded talk available online, & more

As I prepare to leave for Birmingham, Alabama, to appear on EWTN's "Women of Grace" tomorrow at 10 a.m. Eastern time (click here for details of my upcoming talks and interviews about My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, I have a few pieces of happy news to share:

• My Peace I Give You has been endorsed by the director of the Angelic Warfare Confraternity (an apostolate of the Dominican Friars), who urges all members to read it regardless of whether they have suffered sexual abuse. Read the endorsement and learn more about the AWC on my Patheos blog Feast of Eden.

• EWTN TV host Johnnette Benkovic has invited me to discuss My Peace I Give You on her show "Women of Grace" in a live broadcast tomorrow, May 3, from 10:00-11:00 a.m. Eastern. Not only that, but while I'm on-site, Johnnette plans to tape another two hours' worth of interviews so that she may feature me on her show for a full week, discussing not only My Peace but also my first book, The Thrill of the Chaste. Please pray for Johnette, for me, and for the viewers, that hearts may be touched.

• My April 23 interview for Sean Herriott's "Morning Air" show on Relevant Radio can be heard online (click here—the interview starts at 1:44). Sean has really put his heart and soul into outreach to adults who have suffered child abuse. He has had me discuss My Peace on his show several times, and is open with his listeners about having suffered abuse himself. I greatly admire him for the courage, depth, and persistence with which he tackles a topic that many in the media shy away from, always doing so within the light of Our Lord's healing love.

• A newly recorded talk of mine on My Peace is available online for download in podcast format (click here). I delivered the talk April 18 to TASTE, a Catholic women's lecture series in Laurel, Maryland.

• Thanks to some kind people who have donated in support of my apostolate, I have a budget to make a mission trip this summer to speak about My Peace to prison inmates or to others in particular need—e.g. Native Americans on a reservation, or people in Catholic parishes in a rural area that would not normally be able to afford to have a traveling speaker. Now all I need is to find someone who would like to book me to speak to such an audience. (I am already planning to give a talk to convicted prostitutes, which will be sponsored by a nonprofit in Philadelphia, but that will not require raiding my mission budget—only my frequent-traveler Amtrak miles.) My number one wish is to speak at the New Hampshire state prison for men, as inmate Pornchai Moontri, a convicted murderer, has written a beautiful account of how My Peace helped him find healing in Christ.

• Come July, I am looking forward to addressing the annual conference of the Courage/EnCourage Apostolate, which has invited me to speak about My Peace I Give You.

As I've mentioned, blogging is light as I am wrapping up the spring semester (I am a graduate student of theology). Please pray for me as I prepare for my comprehensive exams for the S.T.B. degree, which is a prerequisite to study for a pontifical licentiate and doctorate. Thank you and God bless you!

Life in EdenLatest on my studies, apostolate, and vocation

In a studious mood, March 2009
Lent is a time to think with gratitude about what the Lord has done in our lives, and how we might make a better return to Him. On that note I thought I would offer an update on my studies, apostolate, and vocation.

Studies: This may be a surprise to readers who know me as an author or speaker, but, for the past five and a half years, my primary occupation has been studying theology full-time. This semester is shaping up to be my busiest yet, as I am preparing for comprehensive exams for the S.T.B.—the first of two prerequisite degrees before I can officially enroll in studies for a pontifical doctorate (S.T.D.)—and taking four courses to get a head start on the second prerequisite degree, an S.T.L.

I have been stretching my capabilities to the utmost because, being in my mid-forties and having survived cancer, I just don't want to take more time than necessary to do what I believe I am being called to do, which is to teach theology on a college level. To put it another way, I'd like to get my S.T.D. before I'm eligible for AARP!

I will post prayer requests as it gets closer to the date of my exams, as I will need much prayer, particularly as my ability to make connections through memory is not what I would like it to be (perhaps due in part to post-traumatic stress).

Apostolate: Apart from my studies and helping Beyond Morning Sickness (author Ashli Foshee McCall's outreach to ill pregnant women), the apostolate that is most important to me is spreading the word about my book My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.

It's been a real joy to me to see My Peace I Give You reach not only its target audience—those who, like me, suffered sexual abuse in childhood—but also people who simply want to go deeper into the saints' lives and learn through them what Blessed John Paul II called the Good News of redemptive Suffering. Some of my favorite responses to the book may be found here, here, here, here, and here.

The response to My Peace I Give You from priests and other pastoral caregivers has been especially gratifying. I had hoped that the book would become a resource for pastoral caregivers to help them lead others to the healing grace of Christ. That is in fact what is happening, sometimes in surprising ways. As with my first book, The Thrill of the Chaste, I am hearing that priests are recommending My Peace I Give You in the confessional—though thankfully not as a penance! One priest actually read a couple of paragraphs from it at Sunday Mass a few weeks ago in a beautiful homily that you can download here.

Most encouragingly, I recently heard from the head of a nonprofit that helps former prostitutes and victims of sex trafficking rebuild their lives. She wrote to me, "What a wonderful book! I am going to donate some copies to [my nonprofit] because I think that our women there can benefit by reading your book and recognizing the love that God has for them and the fact that He will never abandon them." I am hoping to give a talk this summer to the women her nonprofit serves, and praying that the Lord will bring me other opportunities to bring the message of My Peace I Give You to current or former prison inmates, sex-trafficking victims, and other members of God's poor.

If you are in prison ministry and would like to invite me to speak to inmates, please write to me. You can also make a donation, which I will use either to give copies of My Peace to priests and religious (so far I have donated about 200 copies) or to help fund a mission trip.

Vocation: Towards the end of my appearance on EWTN's "The Journey Home" last year, I asked viewers' prayers for my vocation.



The reason I asked for prayers is that, since Christmas 2011, I have felt that the Lord is calling me to live the mystery of spiritual motherhood in a celibate vocation at the heart of the Church. I also learned of a vocation called Auxiliary of the Apostolate, founded by Cardinal Mercier in 1917, that seemed to fit the manner of life to which I felt called. The Auxiliary of the Apostolate lives independently in a form of life comparable to that of consecrated virgin—dedicated to the service of God and the Church in prayer, penance, service of her brethren, and apostolic activity, according to her celibate state of life and the spiritual gifts given to her. Unlike the consecrated virgin, the Auxiliary makes a promise of obedience to her diocesan bishop (technically not a "vow," as far as I can gather, but it seems to amount to the same thing).

A year ago, I approached my diocese asking to be called to be an Auxiliary of the Apostolate. The response was encouraging; it was recommended I discern with Auxiliaries. Unfortunately, since then, I haven't found a single Auxiliary in the United States with whom to discern. The U.S. Auxiliaries have no association as far as I can tell, and no website. The only one I have located in the entire country lives in a retirement home and is not in a position to direct a discerner.

I did find an Auxiliary in Europe with whom I was able to meet while traveling there, but she did not express interest in directing my discernment. She did not explain her lack of interest, but indicated indirectly that she did not consider me apt for the vocation because it is "hidden," and I am, well, not hidden.

Now, it could very well be true that in Europe in general, with the continent's history of "worker-priests" and other religious who aimed to be yeast hidden among the flour, the vocation of Auxiliary of the Apostolate is by nature a hidden one. But here in America the Auxiliaries of the Apostolate have in the past included more visible figures such as Mother Antonia, who was the subject of a popular book, The Prison Angel. (I have not approached Mother Antonia about discernment because she is no longer a U.S Auxiliary of the Apostolate, but is now the founder of a religious community based in Mexico.)

So I don't believe that having a public apostolate in and of itself disqualifies me from the Auxiliary vocation, especially since, being that it is diocesan, it's up to the individual bishop to determine whether or not to call a woman to that vocation. However, given that bishops tend to prefer to place someone within a ready-made form of a vocation, and given that I have not found any guidance to live the form of Auxiliary, it is looking like I will have to continue praying for discernment, trusting that God will show in what form of life He wishes me to vow myself to Him.

I am very grateful to everyone who has prayed for me over the years. Every day I pray for all who have helped me. If you have a particular intention for which I might pray, do let me know. Thank you and God bless you.

Interested in saints and spiritual healing? Check out my Patheos blog, Feast of Eden.